Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Happy Birthday Mom

Assuredly, all nature informs us that man is meant for happiness.
                                                         Andrè Gide

 Yesterday, our dear mother would have turned 89.

 Every year seems to get easier. Those first ones I must admit were more difficult than I could ever explain. This year, I reflected on the gifts that she left not mourn the loss. I wanted to celebrate the day and days before it for what the day is, not what it was.

I have spent many days in the bush something I had avoided for so many reasons. I was brought back to a place that makes everything feel right. The magic I found there has certainly worked. I can actually feel the old me that had been buried inside for a while. The memories and the love have always been found here.

Yesterday, I had errands to run so I headed to town. For some odd reason, I headed in very early even though nothing would be open. I walked the streets waiting for the town to wake. There was a feather lying on the cement sidewalk in the middle of the almost deserted street. I took that as my sign.

There was the sound of laughter, not any laughter but hers. In a deserted except for a few cars and a couple of construction sites, I heard laughter. It was not coming from anywhere but from my head and my memories. I will never forget that laugh.

Songs rolled around in my head, those songs that Mom would sing, over and over for my whole life. I had not lost Mom at all. She may not be with me physically but I know she has never left me.

My thoughts retreat to the retirement home during haying season. I would go to visit her in the mornings before I had to go bale hay. I would sit and knit hats. She would knit too but she would stare at me while she did it. She would snicker and that would ultimately turn into a laugh. Her laugh, the laugh I love.

It seems that my self-taught technique of knitting was an entertainment for her. There would be the questions about who would get the hat, of course after Bossy2 wore it. That always made her smile, me too. When I shared with her that it was heading out of the country it always had her excited.

She had a photo of Bossy2 wearing a hat, that sat on her side table, it made her laugh. We shared the same sense of humour and silliness. Those are the sweetest memories I have of those last years.

Ultimately the clock would always tell me it was time to leave. The hay was ready and it was not going to bale itself.
After the little trip to town yesterday morning, I headed to get hugs from friends. Then I headed to the hay field which I have not been in for two seasons. Mom’s songs ran through my head, and over my lips, as I went round and round. The memories rolled in just like those rain clouds.

“See you tomorrow Mom, I love you.”

“Be careful,” She would say.

“I will.”

I miss that.

Happy Birthday, Mom. We all miss you but know you are still with us. Thank you for the gift of being able to see the beauty in this world no matter what else is there. Love Buttons. 

ps. Thanks for the rain. It could have waited a couple more hours. :)