Thursday, June 30, 2016

A pain in my .....Need some time

Like some low and mournful spell, we whisper that sad word “farewell.”
                                        Park Benjamin

I must apologize for the title, but for more than one reason you will understand it in the end.

Some of you may have noticed that I have not been around my blog very much lately. My excuse of being too busy on the farm may have been part of this, but not the whole truth. I was not going to explain to you, my readers about what was going on, but a wise woman who sits here with me this morning thought I owed my readers an explanation. She is right, and I have always been honest with all of you. Here we go.

I watched My Hero deal with the harvesting of the hay with help from our wonderful neighbour J, while I paced back and forth. There is still half of it to be done, and it will get done. Two weeks before that we had to round up some cattle, and I had only paced back and forth, and watched from a distance as My Hero and others who understood came to the rescue. Thank you, Dios. This is not me, I am a farmer and I have always been out there getting my hands dirty. I have always stood right beside My Hero, every step of the way while we worked together. The dream of living and working this farm came long ago when we first bought this place at an auction. It seems now times have changed for this farm girl. I am not sure where I am heading.

It has been a rough few days, after a couple of very difficult weeks.  After yesterday’s series of events I have come to the conclusion that things cannot continue to be the way they are, as far as my being a farmer goes. I often wondered if there was a time limit on a career like this. Farming is a very physically demanding job, and I often wondered, if all the demands I had put on my body over the years would catch up with me.

Most farmers that I know do not retire. Most times, they do slow down as they age and try to find other ways to get things done. Maybe, there is a way around the situation I find myself in now, but I am not thinking that far ahead at this time and that is for sure.

Yesterday I spent six hours in a hospital emergency ward in intense pain, more pain than I had ever experienced before. Trust me, if you are, or know a farmer, there are many of those painful nights and days after jobs that have to be done. I have been run over by cattle and trampled by pigs and have actually fallen out of a truck. Not to mention those labour pains of my having two children but this pain topped all of them.

I found myself after a couple of tries with an IV jammed in my writing arm, filled with a powerful anti-inflammatory and then two bags of morphine. This was a new experience for me I do not take medication and realized how lucky I have been. My sister Tess stayed with me the whole time as I writhed in pain. After the happy meds had eased the pain, they sent me home and she passed that watch on to My Hero. I have no idea how I will ever thank her.

Well, it seems that my back is a mess. Neglect, hard work and I hate to admit this, age have taken its toll. I seemed to have hit my limit on how much it will take, as far as farm work is concerned. Sure, I am feeling guilty and useless right now, but I know I need to take care of me, and not worry about anything else right now. Yesterday was just a warning, and I have to listen.

So, you are probably still wondering about the title and why I have not been writing too much. I cannot sit, hence all the pacing. I have a pain in my …., that is not going anywhere for a while. I need some time. Sure the morphine will help for a while, but I am not going to take any more than I need. This means, that if you do not see me on here there is a reason. It is very difficult for me to stand up and blog. Hopefully, this will only be temporary, and until we work out a plan.

I do hope you understand. I will miss you all, and I do hope to get back to reading your blogs while standing, but at this time I think this post is all I can do for now.
Thank you and I will be back I promise. Hugs B

I want to thank all the incredible staff at our local hospital for their patience and kindness. You made the situation more bearable. Thank you all so much. You rock.