It's Not Working!
“The minds of all of us are haunted by thoughts which have not yet found expression,
and it is often the happy, fortune of the aphorist
to drag from obscurity some such dim intuition, or confused bit of experience;
to clothe it in words and bring daylight
for our recognition.”
Logan Pearsall Smith
It is 3a.m. and I am laying here wide-awake thoughts running through my head, trying to escape. I push them back down. I picture myself jumping on them trying to keep them in this container. It is impossible, the harder I try, the harder they push. My mind is racing.
They know I have taken this time to recharge, they are relentless. They will not be stifled.
Stop, please stop.
Turning, turning, pushing, and pushing. If one escapes I am doomed, the rest will quickly follow. No rest, no rest.
I picture the lid bulging, pulsating, and ready to blow. I must stop it, I must stop it.
I jump out of bed, the first thought pounces, I try to shut the lid, and it is no use. They are rushing past this crack in the lid. Pushing, pushing. More, more; I have to get a pen.
I let my hand glide over the paper. The thoughts pouring out, there is no stopping them now, the lid has been pushed aside. My hand cannot keep up with the pace. Racing, racing, page, after page spewing from my head. I must let it all out. I must empty this chamber.
I write, and write, there seems to be no end. I am exhausted. It is done.
The point of this post is that I may not be able to stay on this break. I will either blog, or fill my dresser drawers again, with these thoughts. We will see how it goes.