Friday, December 30, 2011

Old Habits!


He who discommendth others obliquely commendth himself.
                      Sir Thomas Browne





It is almost a New Year and I find myself wondering if I will be repeating anything from the previous year. Habits which have been part of my life, for as long as I can remember.

The main one being the habit of trying to please everyone, I am finally realizing this is almost an impossible thing to do. You usually end up pleasing no one, least of all yourself. I am not talking about helping people out; I am talking about the habitual habit of trying to do everything for everyone. The guilt I feel when I say “I’m sorry, No” plaguing my every thought long after. There was a time I never said no, I tried to do it all.

I found this year to be the year circumstances finally made me wake up, it made me focus on myself as my health was telling me to look after myself, and I slowly started to listen. There was definitely a change in my thinking. My thinking had always been I was the only one that could do these things, that was the first myth I had to get over. Anyone could do what I was doing; you just let yourself believe you were the only one. Now others are doing those jobs, and life is easier with most everyone OK with the change.

I had always believed it was my job to make everyone else’s world easier, and take care of their problems at the expense of my own. This is probably an instinct which has something to do with birth order. My Dad always warned me “You are the oldest, it is a very hard job. It will stay with you for the rest of your life.” He knew this from experience. This kind of thinking does not only effect your family obligations, but it seeps into every aspect of your life. This need to be in control; and this obligation to take care of every situation and every person you think needs you.

 My Dad learned this too late in life, this almost drained him of his own happiness. I myself am trying very hard to break this habit. Everyone should have some responsibility for their own happiness, you cannot help them all. They have to find it for themselves. You can give them a push and a helping hand, but ultimately they have to find their own way.

This will be my year not to repeat old habits, and lose the guilt.

Have a Happy New Year everyone. You can picture me in my lazy boy, My Hero in his by my side,  both of us sleeping into the New Year; always trying to see the ball drop yet some how always missing  it.
Enjoy. 

Later

25 comments:

  1. I've seen the ball drop......it's very mundane for all the hoop-la!

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. So very true. Easy to comprehend, not so easy to execute. However, if you need any reminders, I will be here for you. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I too am a first child, the serious one. My sister is a true helper/fixer too but funnier (thank goodness) and more outgoing. She keeps us laughing. I love Melody Beattie's book Codependent No More. I am not codependent but I must admit the happiness of certain others I love is at least as important as my own...and sometimes more so. Borderline codependent I s'pose. Working on that.

    ReplyDelete
  4. for some people that is the hardest lesson in life to learn, to say no occasionally.

    Haven't seen New Year in, in years and don't feel any worse for it!!!

    Gill in Canada

    ReplyDelete
  5. I like Healthier and Wealthier comment...I read Co-dependent no More about 20 years ago and read it at least once a year to keep myself on track. Also the one best thing about being on the other side of mentalpause is that GUILT is no longer in my vocabulary....I only do things now if I want to and definitely not afraid to say no....and it no more often than yes nowadays...we only have so much energy and my jogging takes up most of it..xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am a youngest child, and the need to please everyone is strong. That makes it hard to say no, but I'm learning. And I must say, it's been a good thing! Take care of yourself Buttons, and have a Happy New Year!

    ReplyDelete
  7. i am so glad you've been able to relinquish some control. i know part of it was due to situations you couldn't control and worried about dreadfully. but still, if you are able to continue just enjoying yourself a bit more, it will have been worth it! :)

    happy new year, dear buttons!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yes! Lose the guilt for sure!!!
    Best wishes for a truly wonderful new year, dear friend!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. May 2012 be a fantastic year for you and your family. I like your new year resolutions...mine are very similar.:)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks for stopping by and for your lovely comments! Much appreciated!

    That is a difficult habit to break and one I have to work on too! I also have to work on not letting my ideas run away with me and grow too big!

    Wishing you a wonderful 2012 and may it be your very best year ever! Looking forward to read more of your stories!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm all for you letting people have more responsibility for their own happiness...especially if they are adults. The people who get enabled from the time they were children end up hitting the wall eventually. Better to learn about that early in life when the consequences are not so great. It may be difficult to break old habits but that does not mean you can't do it.
    Happy New Year! Take a nice deep breath.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Never too old to be none the wiser. The things that are hard-wired into us are the hardest to overcome. But just the fact that you recognize them will help dissolve them. Happy New Year Buttons : )

    ReplyDelete
  13. "Happy New Year", Buttons. And your precious family...very good blog. Food for thought...fr: auntie m.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Awe saw you on Jill's blog and now I see a lot of my other friends here too. Happy New Year. sandie

    ReplyDelete
  15. I always miss the ball dropping too! lol

    ReplyDelete
  16. I know what you mean about being feeling responsible for other people's happiness. I too am the eldest and during my growing up years I felt responsible for my younger brothers and sisters and keeping the peace in a disturbed household. It is over bearing! I'm glad you are aware of it and working on rectifying it. Happy New Year. Thanks for your supportive comments over the last few months!

    ReplyDelete
  17. What a timely post, Buttons. I'm doing that right at this minute. Letting go and saying ....no...no more.
    Have a wonderful new year and I'll be there all the way. Hugs Susan (Maa)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Good luck my dear Buttons! Guilt seems to run in our genes as women. Hard to shed that after many years, isn't it. Let me know how you are doing with this. :)

    Happy New Year's my friend. We'll also be fast asleep before the ball drops.

    ReplyDelete
  19. GREAT things to work towards! old habits are so HARD to break!

    here's to a new year, it will be fabulous!! :D

    ReplyDelete
  20. old habits indeed. we want those we love to be happy, even though this is beyond our control. our own happiness is challenging enough! but it's comforting knowing we're all in this together, right? ;o)

    happy new year to you and yours, dear!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Yep - kick those unwanted habits into the past, sister - they have no place in your future :)

    Happy pre new year to you and yours!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Happy New Year to you your husband and family.

    Yes, you can try and take is easier on yourself this year. Look after yourself other wise you will not be fit to look after others :)

    Your friend from afar....M xoxox

    ReplyDelete
  23. I, too, am the eldest.....sigh......and know just how it all goes. Always the need to protect...to try do too much for too many.... although, over the years...I am learning to stand back and let the others make their own choices....it's tough...but, I also have a "Hero"... and he reminds me ... not often...but sometimes....when he feels I need it...... how I love that man!

    ReplyDelete
  24. I think it's wonderful that you have come to this realization! I think getting older is not ALL bad. There's something to be said for wisdom. :)

    ReplyDelete

The mind grows by what it feeds on. J.G. Holland

Thank you so much for your comments, they mean more to me then I could ever express. Hug B

Please do not copy my work. If you like it let me know I am sure we can work something out. Copyright is in place.