Friday, May 18, 2012

The Ride!

Does the road wind uphill all the way?
   Yes to the very end.
Will the day’s journey take the whole long day?
   From morn to night, my friend.
           Christine Rossetti


Sitting here looking out my big window I feel so calm, so relaxed. It is early in the morning and a low lying fog patch floats over the field of dying dandelion soldiers. We will let the cows in this field for the long weekend; they will run and dance across the field snatching up these soldiers with their long rough tongues. This house will be full and there will be lots of laughing and love. My girls, Treadstone and Niece A will be down and we will all be staring out this window.

I am in a different frame of mind this morning. Last night I jumped off that crazy roller coaster ride of emotions. The ride that was throwing me side to side from the very high points where I could not take a breath to the very low points where I just wanted to shut my eyes and hold tight till it passed. That sudden veering to the right making my stomach turn into a mass of knots is almost over I hope. I am on the ground now, my legs are still weak and shaking but my eyes are wide open and I think am ready to go again.


Sometimes to be able to face the ride and conquer you have to step off and go to a place where you feel safe and secure. Your place of joy; the place that makes your heart, your soul and your mind fly free and breath in all the fresh non tainted air. I found that place last night while going back to do the chores for My Hero.

I drove the tractor back to the cows. They were waiting for me, they knew someone was coming and patiently waited without a worry. As I broke open the last of our bales of hay from last year I find myself thinking about when very soon things will be back to normal. I will be driving the tractor and baler around and around the field baling the hay. I love driving round and round with only my thoughts and concentrating on getting the job done safely and not worrying about what will be there when I step down off that tractor. I have to stay focused to stay safe I cannot let the outside world impede my concentration.


I jump off the tractor and walk up to the cows, the cows I have been ignoring while on this roller coaster ride of emotions. They run to greet me as if I had not been away and they were happy to see me. I apologize to them for forgetting who I am. I am a farm girl who needs to farm; I need the distractions from the outside everyday roller coaster rides. I need the structure and the concentration that this job requires. This job that keeps me grounded. I do realize I need to slow down but I cannot for my sanity just give up and stop even if I sometimes think I should. I will have to figure out how to keep doing this with the loss of my physical strength.


I walk among the cows and calmness comes over me while I talk to them and take their photos. I am enjoying their company. I head back on foot to the bush I love and need. It is getting nearer sunset but I need to be surrounded by nature, my emotional healing place. I wander down the lane; the maple trees over my head surround me and protect me from the last rays of sun trying to penetrate. I walk past the pile of little rocks and big stones My Hero and I had picked off the fields so very long ago. I remember how hard that was and how I was so exhausted and in so much pain that I wanted to quit but I stayed on the ride and figured out how to handle it to made it through. Some things never change the ride just seems to change and head in different directions all the time.


I sit here looking out the big window I see the fresh mown lawn, the field of tall grass, and the trees of green I am now ready to get back on that roller coaster ride.

Have a nice long weekend everyone.
Later.

19 comments:

  1. I like that "dying dandelion soldiers"

    Let nature heal you.

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  2. Beautiful. I also go to nature to calm myself. I feel sorry for people that don't get that same sense of peace. Sounds like it's going to be a great weekend at your house!

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  3. I'm sure your cows were glad to see you! I'm glad you found your healing place...I'm so sad right now. My "healing place"...in the barn with my favorite kitty in my arms...is dying. I miss her so much!!

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  4. Glad you are back in your safehaven Buttons...beautiful pictures as always. So serene..

    Have a great long wk-end with your family and send my love. Angel Hugs. Auntie M.

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  5. i'm glad the routine will refresh you. and glad you will have a houseful this weekend. :)

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  6. You have such good looking cows and such a beautiful place to be. All those years of work are paying you back with a handsome farm and a view from your window that is priceless. Best wishes for good health and for the health of your family. Have a GREAT weekend!

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  7. B
    I hope you find the calm and balance you need. There is something about going out to do a good day's work or taking a walk (camera in hand of course) that can help bring the "big picture" back to reality. Getting out of the house being with the livestock or on the farm makes our inner problems seem small, for a little while.

    I, too, have had a very emotional week. This afternoon I will find out if my roller coaster was all for nothing or my instincts were right.

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  8. Hi Buttons,
    Emotions can get the better of us, for a time. But calming people, places, and activities help put everything in balance. Enjoy your weekend!

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  9. I'm so happy to hear that things are settling down for you now. Life certainly throws a curveball sometimes doesn't it?
    Being out in the countryside and listening the the birds singing is just so peaceful and relaxing. You just can't beat it.
    Sounds as if you have a fun weekend coming up. Enjoy!!! :)

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  10. Good that you are able to be with your cows and out doing what you obviously love. The ride can be horrid, but hold out for the good parts!

    Cat

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  11. you are such a poet, buttons. those white faced cows are just beautiful. wish i could reach into my screen and give them a good head scratching...
    enjoy your weekend as well! :o)

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  12. We all need a way to recharge. I like that you have found yours - and shared : )

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  13. The little cows are so adorable. What beautiful shots you took of your trip.

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  14. Have a restful and happy weekend, dear. :)

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  15. I'm glad you have found some calm after your emotional roller coaster ride. Nature is a wonderful healer.

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  16. Glad you found your peaceful place... have a refreshing weekend. Sorry I been so quiet these last couple weeks, I’ve been really ill (now finally diagnosed with Whooping Cough even though I was immunized) and have had another very rough week.

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  17. Winding down after all that has been going on :) You take care of yourself...your friend M xoxoxox

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  18. Dear B, craving normal is ... well, normal isn't it! I love how you've described your feelings. Relax and enjoy :D) xx

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  19. Beautifully written buttons! This really spoke to me-so similar to me it's a little spooky! Tks for your support! Be well and enjoy your quiet times :)

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The mind grows by what it feeds on. J.G. Holland

Thank you so much for your comments, they mean more to me then I could ever express. Hug B

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