Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Farming, Cookies and Change!


      Forward, forward let us range,
Let the great world spin forever down the ringing grooves of change.
                              Alfred Tennyson


I watch as My Hero heads down the dusty laneway to the bush to fix more of those broken down fences. I remember when I used to be right beside him helping. These days I find the Fibro limiting what I can physically do. If I was to go back and work with him side by side as usual I would pay for it later in the week. This is a fact I am still trying to deal with myself, as much as I fight it I know it is to be part of my life now. This makes me feel useless and a little guilty sometimes. I busy myself with things that need to be done around the house and try to focus on what I can do, and forget about what I cannot.

I put a chicken in the Crockpot, I throw a load of laundry in the washer, and then I fill the counter with all the ingredients for My Hero’s favourite oatmeal cookies. I know how much he loves these, and I love making them for him. Oh how I wish I was back there, holding up the other end of that rail instead of the homemade jack, holding it in place. Standing beside him watching him work admiring his craftsmanship, my heart still skipping a beat when our eyes meet. I loved working with him.

Sometimes I wonder how I ended up here, sitting at this table watching him drive down the lane alone. I had always been with him we would work side by side from early morning till we were done or completely exhausted. I could keep up with his pace for the most part and we accomplished a lot. At the end of that day we would sit around the kitchen table with our girls and enjoy the conversations and laughter. Now the girls are gone living their own lives, I am sitting here alone, and My Hero is back in the bush alone, life keeps changing. I remember times that I was in some pain but never thought for one minute that that same pain that lingered longer every year would eventually never leave.

 With all the ingredients in the bowl, I start to think and question as I stir.

 Oatmeal Cookies

¾ cup shortening, soft                                         1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar                      1 cup white flour (I mixed with Red Fife flour)         
½ cup white sugar                                                1 teaspoon salt
1 egg                                                                             ½ teaspoon baking soda
¼ cup water                                                                3 cups regular oats

Beat shortening, sugars, egg, vanilla, and water. Stir together flour, salt, soda and add to creamed mixture blend well. Add oats.  Drop by spoon onto greased cookie sheets. Bake at 350f for 12 minutes. I added ½ cup of cranberries but you can add chocolate chips, coconut, chopped nuts or raisins. I continue to experiment with different flour types mixed in with the white flour.

I think of My Hero back in the bush struggling with those rails alone and me up here alone. I wonder if he continues to think of the old days like I do. I wonder if he remembers how well we worked together. Will he wear out sooner by working alone? Does he miss the constant conversations of that girl who would go on and on about life and dreams? A girl who could have never imagined not working beside him every step of the way?

Does he enjoy the silence the bush has to offer? Is he getting tired? Is he thinking of me?

I busy myself in the house while the cookies bake and try to concentrate on the life I have now and not dwell in the past. I miss working beside him and I know he really does miss those conversations, I also know I am more interesting to look at than that homemade jack holding up the other end of that rail.


Now that all the laundry is folded and put away, the cookies are in the jar, the house is vacuumed, and the chicken is still cooking I head out into the hayfield behind the barn. My Hero had opened up the rake so I could just drive round and round enjoying the view. One thing I do know for sure; My Hero will never let me believe that I am useless.

After all that is why he is My Hero. Round and round.

Later.

22 comments:

  1. Buttons ... to tell the truth he is probably getting tired too. Unfortunately, we can't stop aging. It took me a while to get up this morning ... my body was aching all over. The arthritis is starting to really make an impact.
    Just do what you can, I'm sure your Hero understands and loves you anyway. Count your blessings. Maa

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  2. Your 'Hero' is thinking how lucky a man, he is to have you....

    Hugs fr auntie m

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  3. I really like this post Buttons...I sounds to me like a true love story, to be honest! Loving each other no matter what...him working alone, and you making his favorite cookies!

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  4. Oh my gosh...you useless? Never! You do so much, B, you really do. The most important thing..you love your hero and he loves you. *hugs*

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  5. B, growing older together has it's great rewards..forever love...
    You & Your Hero are Amazing!
    ~~Blessings~~

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  6. I wonder if men think about the old days as much as women? I know I think about them a lot too.

    Your cookies sure sound good!

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  7. I'm sure he is missing you and that will make the time spent together that much more sweet.

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  8. you are such a romantic, buttons. :)

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  9. a true love story!!

    they don't love us for the things we do...they love us because of who we are!!

    send me a cookie ;)))

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  10. There's just nothing like warm oatmeal cookies. Or cool soft ones. Or a handful in your lunch or all over you while watching t.v.

    As for fences, they have a way of trying to fall apart. It takes constant care to keep them in good order, sort of like the great relationship you have with your Hero. (Maybe not a good metaphor but you know what I mean.)

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  11. I made cookies this morning too. It must be in the air.

    Oatmeal raisin cookies (homemade) are my very favorite cookie.

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  12. you will never be useless. you will always do something worthwhile. and you will always be in his heart if not by his side.

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  13. What a lovely post Buttons! Made me a bit teary-eyed!
    Have you spoken with your doctor about adding vitamin D supplements? There has been recent info about fibro being linked to insufficient vitamin D levels. Might be worth checking out.
    P.S. Your oatmeal cookie recipe is almost exactly like mine, I'm getting ready to start a batch in a few minutes! :)

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  14. B
    You have written another moving piece about the relationship you have with your Hero. Not everyone has that. So sorry that you feel limited, but it sure seems to me that you contribute a great deal to this farm and union.
    Round and round!

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  15. Your hero sounds like a wonderful person! And I bet he enjoyed those cookies. :)

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  16. Wish all your followers could take a glimpse inside the wonderful love story that you and your hero have. He is a great guy, made that much better by having you beside him all these years.
    Take care of yourself and continue to steal those special moments under the stars.

    Love you lots, BA

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  17. Oh dear Buttons : ) I hope your hero reads this.

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  18. You did a great job illustrating true love. Be happy knowing you are one of the few who is lucky enough. I hear so many people around me complaining and divorcing. True love lasts from the youth and vigor to age and wisdom. Congratulations on a strong and healthy marriage.

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  19. Sounds like a perfect Hero!!
    And he is likely slowing down some, too, just more slowly than you are.

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  20. Perfect read as I ready myself to walk over to our shop and work alongside my Love.
    All the best to you.

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  21. Oh, this brought tears to my eyes. My TJ & I worked side by side for years. We worked around the house together and we owned a crane service together. But, that darn cancer took it all from both of us. Try to be grateful that you still have your Hero...even though it isn't the same as it used to be.

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  22. darn it! Buttons, you made me cry and cry for you and cry for me and cry for your hero and cry for my mike. we cant change it either, we just have to make do. but you are already one step ahead of me - you can bake ;)

    btw, on your good days - you should show up in the field in a raincoat and nothing else for your hero, then for sure he will forget those old fencing days and not be sad but be glad for the change...uhmm, but please dont blog about it...alrighty then...

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The mind grows by what it feeds on. J.G. Holland

Thank you so much for your comments, they mean more to me then I could ever express. Hug B

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