Friday, August 10, 2012

Real Life and Pretending!


Jolly boating weather,
And a hay harvest breeze,
Blade on the feather,
Shade off the trees
Swing, swing together
With your body between your knees.
      William Cory


I am sitting in my Mothers living room with the TV on for no other reason than to keep my thoughts at bay. I may be seen sitting here any number of days lately. The constant noise is helping drown out the voice of negativity that I have been pushing down for weeks. I have been trying to hold on to those sunshine, rainbows and cute puppy stories for a long time but I am finding it hard. The clouds of doubt hover over my head.

I love writing Buttons Thoughts it is actually my life on paper and I am usually a happy positive person but I must say, these days that has been very difficult for me. I debated with myself if I should share this but I think I need to deal with this issue and not pretend things are wonderful all the time. Real life is sometimes not all happy times. I am sure many of you can relate. I have grown weary of pretending.

Not many people know this but my Mom is not doing very well. There have not been any Mom Thursday adventures for what seems like a very long time. I am sitting here with this dumb TV on while my Mom is sleeping in her room. This is hard. The drought issues do not seem as important to me right now.

 Today I am going to share our last Thursday adventure and I am hoping there will be more in the future.

A month or so ago I pulled my Mom out of bed and dragged her to the Jeep I told her we were going on an adventure and she did not have to do anything but sit there. I had no idea what to do so we just started driving. We have always talked while I drive. I tell her stories that I put on this blog, she likes that. She has always loved my stories and I certainly love sharing them with her. We drove for a while and I asked would you like to go to the lake? She had a grin from ear to ear and I could tell by her face what the answer would be. “Oh yes Please”.

The lake is where my Mom had a trailer and camped for over twenty some years every season. Mom and Dad’s trailer sits steps from the water. She could always be seen sitting on the dock fishing for hours. She has many friends at the lake and she loved to go out in the boat with anyone who would take her. Mom and I and sometimes Dad would spend hours sitting in the middle of the lake, our lines in the water talking about fishing and life. I loved these times.  Mom was very excited at the thought of this adventure and now seeing her face so was I.

Well this day in particular turned out a little different than I had imagined. A detour sign before the bridge we were supposed to cross sent us down a back road I had never been. Mom was happy she was just enjoying the ride. After an hour I told her I think we are lost, she did not care she said even if we do not find the lake she was happy just to see the back country. I told her we would end up in Algonquin Park if we kept going, her reply to that was “Then we can rent a cabin on a lake and wouldn’t that be fun?” I am thinking sure but I look down at the half a bottle of water we had and then my mind goes to the crock pot full of chicken stew on her counter at home set on high.  This was not a well laid out plan to start with. This probably would not make this trip stress free.
 Did I mention we did not have any cell phone reception and had not seen a house for miles? Honestly, when I looked at her face she was absolutely beaming, so I pushed those worries away. We kept driving. Finally, I seen a man out cutting his lawn, I stopped and asked directions. Just as I suspected we were far from where we should have been. I thanked him and turned around. I said Mom maybe we should head back. She replied “Whatever you think dear.” As I watched her eyes and her smile turn sad, I did not think about anything else but getting my Mom to that darn lake, no matter what.

As we eventually started passing familiar road side vegetable stands and old homesteads she knew where we were, and her excitement spilled all over me and that Jeep. We pulled up to the gate. I asked the owner if he would let us in and we drove down to the lake.

Let me just say for a lady who had been just lying in bed for a week or more doing nothing, she sure did jump out of that Jeep fast. She walked right up to her old trailer and circled it. She was inspecting the flowers someone had planted. She gave her stamp of approval, I could see all the memories flooding back and my eyes welled up with tears. She walked down to the dock. I held her hand and we walked to the end of the dock. My Dad’s old boat was still there, the new owner had painted it but we recognized the seats we had spent many an hour sitting on. I let go of Mom’s hand and she wandered over to check for minnows and check out the other boats and the view.

After an hour of wandering, yes it was that long she did not seem to tire; we walked up the hill and met a couple of her friends from long ago. There was hugging, sitting and drinking cool water with lots of memories shared. We left after another hour with an invite to return; now we had to find our way back home. Mom was now tired but extremely happy. We excitedly talked about old memories when we came to that detour sign again.

I drove around the detour sign and noticed that I had turned in the wrong direction from where the sign was directing me earlier. Everything for a reason, and I think I now know what the reason was. A real Mom Thursday adventure, it certainly was. Mom’s words on exiting the Jeep, then entering her home filled with the smells of chicken stew then back to her bed “That was a great day, Thank you.”

I sit here with the TV noise drowning out those negative thoughts and letting in only that happy Thursday memory.

Later


39 comments:

  1. Oh, What can I say....! I'm so glad you shared it helps to get those feelings out rather than hold them in! I loved hearing about your happy day and your mother's memories....something to treasure. You know that my Mum was here last week for her 92nd b'day. She comes down to Wales twice a year and we go around the same places and she shares the same tales but it's just so great for her as she doesn't know whether she'll see them again!...and I try to treasure them in my heart! When she's away She loves reading my posts and peoples' comments like your Mum! Much love and hugs to you....you are such a good daughter...please don't doubt yourself! Sorry I've gone on too long but I am concerned for you! Hugs Joan

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  2. A treasured day for sure. For BOTH of you!

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  3. You made a wonderful memory you can keep forever....never lose the opportunity to make a memory.

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  4. hey buttons! i can relate to those BLUE days...that sometimes stretch into week(s). writing, for me...has always been good therapy at times like that. BUT sometimes i have to hold myself back from writing these 'downer' posts. well, actually i sometimes DO write them...just never publish them!

    anyway...that was a nice story...taking your mom to the lake...whatever it takes! filling her with happy memories! just treasure what time you have. together. touch. hug. speak your thoughts. :)

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  5. I'm sorry Buttons. I'm sure it's hard to see your Mom declining. I'm so glad, and I'm sure she is too (!!!) that you have the wonderful memories of TIME spent together. Your last Thursday adventure was a true act of love for your Mother. Memories you will never forget!

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  6. Thank you for reminding me about the lake. Mom looks so frail but I can see that big grin under her hat and can almost imagine her skipping (in her mind at least) down the dock. Have to say I did shed some tears and some were very selfish as I remembered times with my dear Mom and yours; happy times.
    Don't ever stop writing.

    Love You, BA

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  7. Sorry to hear your mom hasn't been doing well. Sounds like your adventure was just what she needed to lift the spirits. I hope you have many more such days (only without the stress part!)

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  8. Sharing yourself and your feelings isn't a downer Buttons; many of us have been in your shoes and have some idea of how you feel.

    Sometimes the greatest gift you can give another is to allow them to give to you. Your mother is doing that for you and now you are doing the same for us; allow us to continue sharing your joys AND sorrows.


    If you need to get some of those feelings out please feel free to email me any time. (Email address is on my blog.) It's not been so long ago that I was taking care of my Dad and I'm happy to lend you an ear, or shoulder, whenever you need.

    *hugs*

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  9. Buttons...thank you for sharing this adventure down memory lane...and another precious Thursday with your Mom.

    Sending my love and hugs to you and your Mom..fr aunti m

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  10. I'm so glad you persevered and made your way to the lake. It sounds like you both needed to spend some time there. ;)

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  11. I'm really sorry that your mother isn't doing well. That must be so difficult. I'm glad you made it to the lake and had that afternoon with her.

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  12. oh hon, this brought tears to my eyes. these memorable adventures are priceless to the both of you. i hope you have many, many more to share. xo...

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  13. oh, buttons. what a wonderful day of memories for you and her. if i could give my mother one more of those days...

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  14. Have you seen the movie or the play "Trip to Bountiful"? Your story reminded me of it so much -- the story of an old woman who wants more than anything to visit the place of her younger days, by the water, that brought her so much happiness. But, her son won't take her; he's too busy with his own life. Your mom is so fortunate to have you, and so fortunate that you take her to these places she loves. My mother is very frail and it scares me. Hang in there, and thanks for sharing with us.

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  15. I definitely can relate to your thoughts, B.
    Your story reminded me of my last adventurous ride with my Mom.
    Thanks for sharing, I will say a prayer for you both.

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  16. I've been there too, Buttons. Riding in the car was one of my mom's favorite things to do with nothing else would make her happy. Her last years were long and difficult for both of us.

    Adventures like yours do make you wonder if things were meant to just happen that way.

    Blessings on you and your mom.

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  17. Buttons, I am sorry to hear you are blue and your Mom is not doing well. Life is hard and I frequently have to remind myself:

    "Hard things are put in our way, not to stop us, but to call out our courage and strength."
    Anonymous

    You spent a good day with your Mom, she enjoyed herself and smiled. Fun memories were made and that is time well spent.

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  18. I am sorry that your mom isn't doing well. I am glad that you were able to spend a happy day together.

    Prayers for you both!

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  19. Buttons...you are one special lady. I love what you wrote today and can feel your caring and sensitivity.

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  20. Such memories you prodded back into my mind.
    Yes, there is sadness, but joy also.
    Keep writing...
    and having adventures when possible.
    Blessings on you and your mom.

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  21. Such sweet memories- blessings to you and your mom. Don't let the negative thoughts take root!

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  22. I'm so glad you were able to spend such a wonderful day with your mom! {{HUGS}} to you both!

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  23. I cried. You Mom and your adventure reminded me in every way of my beloved Grandmother. Especially how you described the words covering not matching what her eyes said. Even though you don't get to share the adventures, please appreciate sitting next to her while sleeping. I did not get to do that for my Grandmother and it haunts me to this day. I spent one week with her in the hospital. She didn't know who I was most of the time, but I treasure that week, because for a moment I could repay her for the times she was there for me. Good luck with your Mom. I'm sorry for the pain.

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  24. oh b, life on a detour what a wonderful story!!

    stay strong, positive and happy that you have these great memories!!

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  25. You are so lucky to still have a Mom to get lost with. You are a great daughter. What a wonderful day.

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  26. God bless you and your mother!
    have a big hug!
    BShell

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  27. You and I have not visited more than a few times. I think your name is Linda, but I am not sure. So is mine, though I go by my middle name, Marie. I had added you to my blog list because I have been enjoying your blog, and I remembered that you had commented on our monsoon storm and asked about dust storms, so I came by to fill you in. And I just read your very moving post, and was moved to tears! What a wonderful day with your Mother...and yet all the difficult emotions are there bubbling at the edge of the pot. I don't know if your Mom has Alzheimers--you don't say--but it sounds like you are her caregiver. And no matter what her difficulties, being a parent's or spouse's caregiver is a very difficult thing! My Dad died from Alzheimers two years ago and my Mom took care of him for many years before we lost him. She started a blog called Our Journey Through Alzheimers, and though she no longer adds to it, she leaves it there so people can read the old posts if they wish to...she also had a number of blogger friends in similar circumstances who shared with her on that blog. It's on my sidebar if you want to check it out, and maybe connect with her and also some of the others who posted comments there. It might be a huge encouragement to you, and a help. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless you, and your sweet Mom.

    And yes, we have dust storms but not during the summer storm season. It's usually worst right before the monsoons start in mid-June when winds blow the very dry earth that has little to keep it in place. We all need anchors in the wind-storms of life. I hope and pray you will have those anchors that you need to keep you holding on...

    With my sincerest friendship,
    Marie

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  28. (((((HUGS))))))) to you my friend. I'm ever so glad you had that awesome adventure with your Mom. I'm sure she dreams of it as well as she sleeps.

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  29. Buttons, I will sit and hold your hand until you are done sitting in the ashes...

    its the most important part of what a friend can do.

    we will wait. (your friends bottom is covered with ashes right now, but thats due to the wind blowing in what used to be my hayfields... :)

    orrrrr...

    maybe i have to come up and take you out for a car ride and for sure we will get lost because i have never been there...but it will be worth it. every. single. minute. ;)Ill try to have a little bit more water (CLEAN!) on hand, and maybe some good chocolate...

    Buttons, I can only hope that one of my daughters in my last years will take me out to the outdoors that i love so much like you did for your mom a while ago...you are a good daughter, and I think you are a gift :) and im pretty sure your mother thinks so too, in her own way right now. In her sleep she sees the past, and it is good, all good.

    (((hugs, lots))))

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  30. oh Buttons what a gift! The image is also beautiful. Enjoy and live.

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  31. I am so very sorry, and I do know what this is like.
    Keep making memories with your Mom.
    You will be very glad you did.
    xo.

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  32. It's beaut that you could give your Mum that happy adventure B. It's nice that you were able to please her in that way :D)

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  33. This was so beautiful to read.I am so glad you have that day of memory...and you shared it with us all. Beautiful.
    hugs dear friend.

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  34. No, life isn't all sunny days and butterflies... I'm glad you were able to share and perhaps, it lightened your load. xo

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  35. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes reading your post. What a wonderful daughter you are. All our parents want as they get older is to be with their loved ones and relive older happy times.

    Life gets so busy that we don't have time to spend with our loved ones as much.... I wish I would have made more time. Now, it is way to late.

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  36. Oh I love that your detour turned into such a great memory! More then that, your Mom has such an adventourous spirit. I get turned inside out and anxious when I get lost. Must remember just to enjoy the ride next time I am a wee bit off track!

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  37. A beautiful day for you to remember. I read today's post and had to go back here to find out what was troubling you. It's good that you decided to share. You are helping so many blogger friends and I'm sure friends in your other life, that it is good to let us know what you are going through so we can send some love and support your way. With tears in my eyes, yes, I miss my mother so much, I'm sending hugs to you, dear Button.

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  38. Oh Buttons, I am so sorry you are
    feeling sad and down just now and I'm sorry to hear your mum is not doing so well at the moment.
    Your journey to the lake sounds amazing and you made a wonderful day out for your lovely mum.
    Your blog is a perfect place of 'offload'. You only have friends here who want to help and offer support.
    Sending you lots of hugs. Take care my blogging friend. :)

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  39. Oh Buttons, you are so blessed to have had this day.

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The mind grows by what it feeds on. J.G. Holland

Thank you so much for your comments, they mean more to me then I could ever express. Hug B

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