Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Family Trees!

It is the mind that maketh good or ill,
that maketh wretch or happy, rich or poor.
                 Edmund Spenser  


Sitting here at my Mom’s typing on my computer trying to find the words to express what I am feeling about spending more than one hour circling my old family home while looking for any little tidbit of secrets it has been hiding I find I am not sad but not happy either. My Mom says she is a little sad but happy someone will be living in a nice warm house by spring. I cannot believe it is finally gone.

First off I am a little disappointed that I missed the knocking down moment, I had to go feed a “Little Orphan Annie”, more on that later, that is another story. I finished my chores as fast as I could and got out of the house and raced to the little village where I grew up knowing that after seeing a huge dumpster sitting there all weekend that today had to be that day.

I raced down the back roads and highways hoping I was not going to miss it. I turned the familiar corner and seen an empty space, a huge pile of rubble,  a big yellow shovel and two workman with fluorescent safety vests and hardhats on, standing on the street talking. My heart sunk and I parked and introduced myself to the young men.

 It turned out that I knew the one young fellow since he was a kid; I asked him I could take some photos. I am pretty sure he understood my need when I babbled on about living there most of my life and I could not just watch it go without something to look at later. He smiled his sparkling smile and let me go. I pulled out my camera and started circling like a Turkey Vulture trying to find any tiny morsel that would bring my memories back. Something that would soothe that sense of loss I knew would eventually come no matter how much I may try to deny it, I know it will happen.

First I looked at the already full dumpster filled to the brim with boards, siding, insulation and tree branches. I looked around my eyes darting quickly back and forth, the beautiful Ash tree that sheltered my Mom and Dad’s bedroom from those hot summer days was just a deep huge gaping hole in the back yard now, the tree lies dying on the back fence line covering the whole length of the property, its roots exposed. My Dad loved that tree it had been there a very long time. I see a white branch lying on the snow near what used to be my house near the pile of rubble piled in the middle of what used to be my home; it was the Birch Bark tree.

This was the tree My Hero and I had dug up, dragged six miles in the back of an old pickup and planted in my Mom and Dad’s yard. It came from the “Lovely three bedroom brick house with two bathrooms and a full basement with a fireplace that we built ourselves” yard we lived in before the farm auction long ago after which we had to sell that home so My Hero and I could start the humbling “Our Journey”.

Now it was gone knocked over and piled in a dumpster like it was nothing.


Well now where did that come from? It appears I may have more buried feelings and issues about this whole tearing down thing than I thought.

Later.

34 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you missed "the moment", Buttons. But so glad you were there to get some pictures and talk to the guys. I'm sure your emotions are running high, and that's ok! It was a huge part of your life!

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  2. I so understand your feelings here. While my childhood home is still standing, I get such melencoly everytime I see it. The memories overwhelm me and I long to go back to those simpler times. Big HUGS to you, my friend.

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  3. Oh Buttons....this is so sad...I hate seeing houses torn down like this and especially this one, full of your memories.
    When we lived in Ga, there was about 27 acres that sat behind us. A family had lived there for a very long time. The husband died, the children were all grown and moved out on their own and they ended up selling to a developer. I watched from my kitchen window as they tore the house down in about 15 minutes. The little house is gone with no proof of ever having been there...a new ugly subdivision with about 30 houses took its place. I really hate development but I guess it's inevitable...
    big hugs to you buttons...

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  4. I don't think you were meant to see what you are lamenting about.

    If you are anything like me (and I think you are,) that would have been too much.

    My mother still lives in my childhood home. To see it demolished would crush me.

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  5. onwards and upwards as they say. One thing for sure, no will can take away your memories.....

    Gill

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  6. Bummer on missing that moment. But maybe it would've just brought more sadness?

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  7. It's a heart breaker for sure to see what you valued once now devalued and lying broken and dying. I've lived it as well and have now, in my old age, made my peace with it. I visit those places and things now in my memories where they exist as lovely and shining as they were in life. There will be tears before you get to that stage, but get there you will. Hang in.

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  8. Oh, the house! The trees! It hurts. When all is said and done, though, the stuff that lives on in the heart are memories and love. Those that you have will never be relegated to the trash heap.

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  9. A very sad happening. I know how you must feel.

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  10. I know I couldn't have watched this happening to my old home. Shelly said it best, we will always have the memories of both these old houses and be glad that they served two very big families so well and helped cement a true friendship.

    Love You, BA

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  11. I know it was sad but don't you think your house loved it that you were there at the very end and knowing how you felt about the life that was lived there. You will carry those feelings into your next house and on and on so it will still have life.

    I remember the houses we have lived in and good or bad I still walk through those rooms in my mind. Put all the good into the one you live in now. Happy Wednesday morning.

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  12. Oh man! This made me teary eyed. I am sure you have so many wonderful memories there.

    Thank you for your kind comments about Tanya's barns. It was so fun to make that connection!

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  13. This post touched me emotionally. I'd say that it would be very hard to see my childhood home knocked down, as it is a part of me. Beautiful post B.

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  14. B.-It's sad they couldn't have saved the tree and somehow worked it into the new plans for the land. Hugs, my friend-this is a really hard time for you, I know, and while I can't fix what you have to go through right now I can tell you that you are in my thoughts and prayers:)

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  15. might as well let it all out. gonna brew otherwise.

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  16. There's a reason why you didn't see it, it's probably better that you didn't. We're hear to listen :)

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  17. I know what emotions just popped up and you thought you already had "put it to bed"...but those same emotions will pull the great story teller/writer out of you...this I know.

    but not now. now its time to heal.

    ((((hugs, many hugs to Buttons my friend)))

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  18. You are far braver at facing your feelings about this loss than I would have been. I could not have gone to see it taken down. My childhood home - I am told - is still standing, but my grandfather's field (his market garden) now has a house on it. I don't want to see it as I fear it might spoil my happy memories.

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  19. I'm sorry you missed the moment it all came down. Sounds like such an emotional experience for you. I'm sorry it's gone! But you have so many wonderful and happy memories :)

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  20. I have said for years that it would be best if my parents died together, and the house where I grew up simply vanished into a black hole, but I know better than that...
    Especially when I can still look at the place where that huge maple stood, forty years ago, and feel the regret that it is gone...

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  21. I like to remember our old house I was raised in as it was back then not as it is now . Small world meeting that young fellow ! Just think of it as a good thing as a child will be raised on the old property as you were enjoying the nature around them like you did ! Great post . Have a good day !

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  22. I thought I was the only one who carried my old homes around in my heart! The poor tree!

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  23. i have to say what i am feeling, deep breath, here goes....

    i would not be able to feel that saddness, i do not have the wonderful childhood memories that you have. my parents were not happy people, my childhood was not joyfull! i have few happy memories to write about!

    close your eyes and smile, that you have those memories and you can feel these feeling!! you are lucky!!

    i hope you got some of the wood and maybe save some of that special tree!!

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  24. Hopefully this will give you some closure, Buttons. Watching the destruction of a place that holds so many memories is very hard to do. That is one thing about this life - nothing is ever stagnant, life is always moving forward. We can stop and turn around for a glimpse of the past, but we must go along with the flow, moving forward and creating new precious memories. xx

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  25. I know exactly what you are going through. Last year, they demolished my grandfather's home. The one I lived in and then visited every year for most of my life. It was as though a huge part of my life and him were gone.

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  26. Hugs to you, Miss B. I am sorry you are struggling with this; I am sure I would also. I am glad you have your Mom to go through this with. To talk to, to cry with, to remember. Keep in mind your memories will always be with you! They still have the ability to make you smile and feel good.

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  27. So sorry you weren't there to see her final moments but maybe it would've been too painful. Buttons, I just want to give you a great big ol' hug. I know this has been a bittersweet journey for you. I hope you will find closure soon. :(

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  28. They can knock down the building, but they can't demolish your memories. Hang onto them. Bring them out from time to time, and enjoy them. Then put them safely away again. It'll get easier. Honest.

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  29. your cherished memories and old photos will allow it to live on in your heart...

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  30. That has to be so hard. Three houses near my childhood home have been torn down within the past few years. My parents will be moving before too long and that little thought has popped up that our home, too, will soon disappear. Hugs!

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  31. It not the house, but the people that come from the house that are important. It was just a material possession. People are forever.

    The Algonquin Hiker

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  32. I guess you were not meant to see the actual demolition, which is probably a good thing. Like Rick said, it's just a house, not your family. {{HUGS}}

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  33. i can understand your sadness. but at least u have your memories, which will stay with you for always!

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The mind grows by what it feeds on. J.G. Holland

Thank you so much for your comments, they mean more to me then I could ever express. Hug B

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