Thursday, February 28, 2013

Not Today Dear!

Time is but a stream I go a-fishing in. I drink at it but while I drink,
I see the sandy bottom and detect how shallow it is.
Its thin current slips away, but eternity remains.
                            Henry David Thoreau


First I want to say how much I love the quotes from this particular writer, they always grab me and hold me tight and bring me comfort when I need it.

I walk through the living room at my Mom’s glancing over to the Christmas tree still sitting on the table in the corner. I find myself wondering if we could make it an Easter tree. The Nativity is still sitting beside the kitchen table where Mom eats her breakfast every morning. The homecare worker shared the story that Mom moves those sheep around every morning and talks to them I wish I could see that; it will be staying put.

I walk into her room and I ask Mom once more if she would like me to take down the Christmas tree, her reply “Not today dear.” OK Mom.
The meatball soup is simmering in the Crock Pot on the kitchen counter; its aroma floated through the air and followed me from the kitchen and through the door now landing in the bedroom where Mom is lying.  Mom looks at me and asks “What are you cooking?” Meatball soup, we will have it for supper with pumpernickel bread, she stares at me with that familiar confused look on her face. I never like seeing that face, it makes me sad.

A movie with Frances the talking mule is playing on the TV, I sit on the foot of her bed and she tells me a story of how when we were kids we would sit on the living room floor huddled around the little TV, we would all laugh and some of us truly believed that mules did talk. I smile because I was positive she was talking about me. She laughs out loud. I love that laugh. We watch the THE END come on the TV and I get up. I asked her if she would like to go for a drive because it is nice and warm out and with the snow storm coming we may not be able to do it for a while, her reply “Not today dear” I smile and tell her another time then. I remember those days when she would never have refused that.

I stand up to head back to the kitchen to check the soup. Mom would you like me to make you a cup of tea. “Not today dear”, I am getting tired of that line. It is not the line so much as what it truly means, I find myself wondering if not today when. Is this my selfish thought, am I feeling sorry for myself because I never get to have those special moments anymore. Or is it the sadness of knowing how much things have changed for this woman I love, who would never have answered that way. Or just the fact of knowing this is not a temporary thing.

I stand in the kitchen stirring the soup, I hear the channel switching over, I hear Captain Kirk's voice, Star Trek, it never ceases to amaze me how she always remembers the Space channel on the TV is channel 50, and she has never forgotten that. I walk back to the bedroom peek around the corner and see her fully engrossed in the show I smile and let her be.

Back in the kitchen I pull out those soup bowls and those Christmas bread plates and set the table still wondering if not now…… when. I walk passed the Nativity and smile; I reach down and move one of those little sheep wondering if she will notice.

Later

43 comments:

  1. Oh Buttons, this is such a sweet story. I love that your mom talks to the little sheep. Although we all know it's part of the circle of life, it is so difficult to watch our parents grow older. It's wonderful,that you're able to spend time with your mom and help care for her.

    ReplyDelete
  2. She knows you are with her B and that's what matters most. You're still have special moments, just in a different way. Hang on to them and know she loves you and is lucky she has such a wonderful daughter.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Buttons,

    Beautiful story, thank you for sharing.

    I'm pretty sure your mother will notice the little sheep has been moved.

    ReplyDelete
  4. A beautiful but sad story. It is sad when our mothers stop being the way they were. It is hard caring for them and one has to be so patient and understanding like you are. Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sweet and sad Buttons. She remembers the most important thing of all though...she remembers love. I remember watching Dad slip away but one thing he remembered always was love.

    The Great Scot sends you a hug (as do I) because, as he said, you need and deserve one.

    ReplyDelete
  6. maybe don't ask..just make each of you a cup of tea and sit with her while she drinks it...I bet she would enjoy it. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  7. My Dad is like that now. he forgets a lot, he doesn't do much, isn't interested in things like he used to be, he even got lost coming home the other day.

    My empathy to you with your Mom, Buttons.

    ReplyDelete
  8. That must be so hard... and yet you're doing the right things and if talking to sheep makes your mom happy, that's fantastic! (I wish I had sheep to talk to. Srsly.)

    ReplyDelete
  9. The days and years do slip by until they merge with eternity; not enough of us consider eternity as we go about our daily grind.
    Perhaps instead if you ask your Mom what she would like she would have a different answer. But then again, perhaps there is comfort for her in the sameness of her days.

    ReplyDelete
  10. This story reminds me of my Grandma.

    She lived with my mother and I remember how difficult it was for my mom to see her mother change so much.

    She is lucky to have you :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Girl, my heart breaks for you and your Mom. So good that you are there for her. One thing I would always tell myself.....if you are sad it means there were happy times you miss, which makes you sad. Much better than not being sad, because there weren't the happy times to miss. I know so many people who don't have the happy to reflect on.

    Cindy Bee

    ReplyDelete
  12. It sounds like your mom has picked up a multi purpose phrase that seems to fit when ever and where ever...'not today dear'....it saves her from having to think things through. Probably if you just brought her a cup of tea she would drink it and enjoy it.
    At least you still have her and there are moments when her light shines through. Enjoy those moments. I sure wish I could visit with my mom again.

    ReplyDelete
  13. So difficult to see the daily changes. We quit asking Dad what he preferred as his condition progressed -- just provided what we thought he would need or want and hoped he would know what to do. xo

    ReplyDelete
  14. What a lump I have in my throat, and what an achingly gorgeous story. You are such a good daughter, and a mom is still a mom, no matter what's been stolen from her mind.

    ReplyDelete
  15. You are a wonderful daughter...and I learn from you when I read these posts. Maybe just you being there is all she needs deep down...nothing else matters.
    You are her contentment.

    (I love Henry Thoreau too...he always says what I'm thinking in a most beautiful way.)
    hugs xxx

    ReplyDelete
  16. I remember, when your mom sang to me xmas songs "You better not pout,you better not cry". Those memories..still remain tuck away in my special place...my heart.

    Maybe the memories of all the xmas celebrations with you kids,(adults)are locked in that safe, secure place. Somewhere in her memories and always in her "HEART".

    Auntie M ox

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm sorry you and your mom are going through this. But how blessed she is to have such a wonderful daughter as you!

    It saddens me to see my mother change. She's not the same as she was, and it's hard to accept those changes sometimes.

    Thank you for sharing this sweet story.

    ReplyDelete
  18. A hug for you Buttons...Near the end, I could only converse coherently with my Dad about the weather. For some reason, he was always clear about the weather...

    Maybe just make your mom that cuppa tea next time, regardless of her initial "Not today, Dear."

    Vic303

    ReplyDelete
  19. I remember when my mother lost interest in things she used to love. It's very sad. You are a good daughter. Keep asking and encouraging her to get out. Cherish every moment with her.

    ReplyDelete
  20. It is difficult when the child/parent roles are reversed. It broke my heart to watch my mom decline, but the new relationship we formed with me as the caregiver, was a way for me to give back all the care, love and kindness that my mom gave to me when I was a child. You are a good daughter B, and you are doing a great job.

    ReplyDelete
  21. i was not around my mother when she got really bad, but i saw that confused face in its earlier stage, and then later in photos. it was horrible. i know your pain.

    ReplyDelete
  22. What a poignant story. It makes me miss my own mother, and wish for what used to be. My heart aches for you, but I know you're making the best of what you have.

    ReplyDelete
  23. When I first graduated nursing school I did home health care.It was so difficult to see the pain of relatives as they witnessed their loved ones slowly disappear.
    Hang on to whatever you can Buttons!

    ReplyDelete
  24. It has to be so difficult to see your mom like that. I am so sorry you have to go through this. Many people would find it too hard, but you are right there with her caring for her. She raised a wonderful daughter, that is for sure.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Those dear sheep-and your dear mother too! Hugs, B-and I knew we had a special kinship. I love the Francis movies:)

    ReplyDelete
  26. A lovely story ! Hey is I can talk to real animals who's to say your mum cant talk to nativity ones ! Bless you both for every second you spend together is every so precious . The snow and rain has stopped and the sun is almost fully out keeps trying and all is dripping and melting for now ! Have a good day !

    ReplyDelete
  27. it should be Christmas every day. and unspoken love has no boundaries, even in illness.


    Buttons; you are courageous, strong and soft all at the same time. You ARE a good daughter.

    but leave moms sheep alone... ;D

    ReplyDelete
  28. I remember when I worked with dementia patients a few years ago. I know how hard it is for you Buttons, when you're so close to someone. Make sure you also take care of yourself along the way. Hugs Sue

    ReplyDelete
  29. I understand now ~thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  30. You are a wonderful daughter Buttons. I get a lump in my throat when I read about your Mom...how hard it must be for you, but how you love her so unconditionally!!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Oh, Buttons, you are such a good daughter! I got all teary reading this post. I do have to agree with Feral though, leave mom's sheep alone!! LOL!!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Oh B, I am so sorry you are both going through this. I can only imagine how difficult it must be. You are such a caring and loving daughter and your mum knows this.
    Take care of yourself. Hugs for you both!! )

    ReplyDelete
  33. you are a wonderful daughter Buttons. A special, wonderful daughter.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Tender, sweet story, Buttons. It is difficult facing that our parent's can never go back to what it used to be. You are a kind and loving daughter. My heart goes out to you and your dear Mother. Hugs, xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  35. What a bittersweet story. So hard to watch our parents grow old and fade. What a wonderful daughter you are!!!

    ReplyDelete
  36. buttons, i wish i could hug you...this is such a beautiful post and i am so sorry you are going through this with your mom. it is so wonderful you are documenting all these details of your visits with her.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Tears. Sigh , sending you a huge cyber hug and all the strength I can

    ReplyDelete
  38. How sweet you are. There comes a time, when we as children become more like the parent.

    Growing up, I was never close to my Dad, but when he was older, I was more like the parent and he the child.

    Enjoy the time you have now with your mom!!

    ReplyDelete
  39. such a sweet story b!! you are having special moments with your mom buttons, they are just different!!

    she didn't eat the carrots and celery in her soup. my soup bowl looks exactly the same as your moms does, when i am done with my soup!!

    ReplyDelete
  40. I remember how hard it was on me to watch my own Mother on that downhill slide. I too missed her even though technically she was still with us.

    ReplyDelete
  41. you are such a loving daughter. *hugs*

    ReplyDelete

The mind grows by what it feeds on. J.G. Holland

Thank you so much for your comments, they mean more to me then I could ever express. Hug B

Please do not copy my work. If you like it let me know I am sure we can work something out. Copyright is in place.