Friday, February 1, 2013

Ramblings from The Blues Kicker!

If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire,
then you got a problem.
Everything else is inconvenience.
                                           Robert Fulghum



Anyone who reads my Blog regularly knows I have been in a bit of a funk. There are a lot of reasons for it just like many of you at one time or another. I could not seem to get out of it. I watched hours and hours of Netflix trying to drown my sorrows in other people’s fake problems.

Crying is good for the soul, even if it is based on perceived fictional problems. After days of watching and self-pity (something I am not proud of) I did finally watch a movie that made me think. It was based on a true story and I must say it was wonderful to finally realize that I do not have life shattering problems. Problems that for a lot of people now and in our past, we could not even imagine. The movie was called Cinderella Man, I had no idea at the time what it was really all about other than the fact that it involved Russell Crowe, Renee Zellwegar, that it was during the Great Depression, and that he (Russell) was a Boxer (something my Dad did in the military) this all made me click that play button. I knew that this one would make me cry for sure but I was OK with that. My Hero by my side (a very patient man) and nothing to lose I watched this movie thinking and sniffling for almost three hours, I was completely drained by the end.  I am not going to spoil this movie for anyone but I have to say it was my “light bulb moment”, memories of my childhood and everything that has went on in my life to this point and knowing I was not the only person things just happen to in this world made me realize just how truly lucky I am. (Be warned if you watch this movie there is a fair amount of brutal images it is boxing after all (close your eyes) but there are truths and lessons to be found).

Fast forward to Wednesday morning, I dragged my butt out of bed with a new it is not all about me attitude, determined to smile all day. I have wonderful caring friends, sharing real and virtual hugs which feel exactly the same to me. A basket of goodies sits on my counter and I look at it and smile, my friend Anna (not her real name) knocked on my door yesterday and we hugged, listened and cried, sharing words of advice and the marshmallow chocolate covered hearts did not hurt either. Another friend NDF had shown up and let me whine and talk and hugged me too. I truly have amazing friends, who are like family to me. I read all the emails and comments on my computer, from true friends I have known forever, and true ones I have yet to meet but hope to someday, it feels the same to me, and I know I am truly loved even with all my flaws and whining these friends still listened. I am truly blessed indeed. My sister Lizzy is my hero, spending more time with Mom so I could get my head back in the game, and BA you know how that visit helped.

I went downstairs pulled on those coveralls and shoved Melissa’s old camera in my pocket. I mixed that milk replacer and headed out to see the new calf that was born last night in the dark. I climbed into the tractor, did the chores as always and I watched Annie drain that same old bottle while we both stood in the mud.  I watched the new calf start eating and even smiled and inched closer to Crazy Cow (not sure if she even noticed I was behind her) I had to do that I had to get past that crippling fear. With very step through that brown oozing mud I could feel the real me coming back. I will be confident, and not going to be afraid of the unknowns of the future, and going to get back to being thankful for everything that I have. I stepped into that bush with that new attitude determined to find that girl that has been lost.



The familiar smells of those wet Cedars dripping from a heavy pounding rain last night. Those patches which are still snow covered now with muddy Cadillac boot prints making me smile ear to ear. Standing in the fast moving water and watching the mud wash downstream as I stood there listening to that rippling and splashing, I felt like I was truly washing those “blues” away. I made my way into the thicker back bush.

I am startled by something swooping over my head (an adrenaline rush for sure) I froze in my tracks and I watched as a fast moving white blur sailed through those naked wet dripping with rain Maple trees and watched it head towards the Pines. I followed wondering what it was. I notice a Rabbit or should I say Rabbit parts on the ground. I obviously frightened this magnificent creature whatever it may be. I was thinking it was a Hawk but the colour and the size were not right. I walked slowly with that old camera in my hand hoping I would see it again.

There it was; a magnificent beautiful, and I have never seen before, Snowy Owl swoops over my head and flies back to the Rabbit that it had left behind. I am pretty sure it was a female by the markings. I obviously did not get a shot of that but I will never forget that moment. I stood there and then I knew exactly what makes me happy, it is not all about a camera. I turned and walked the opposite direction from the Owl. I did not want to keep her from breakfast. Lost girl now found.



I know I am the luckiest girl in the world and that was obviously someone or something reminding of that fact. I am going to do my best not to forget that again.

Thank you my friends, where ever you may be.

As I was posting this my cellphone beeps it was a text from my sister Tess. She has a camera she wants me to have. Told you; I am the luckiest girl in the world. Thanks Sis {Hug}.

Later.

44 comments:

  1. I'm so glad to hear you're feeling much better...and a camera!! What a wonderful sister you have! Give Annie a pat on the head for me and scratch her ears a little and tell her I think she's cute! :)

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  2. I'm so thankful you are back to your old self. You're a strong woman, and even strong women need a recharge from time to time.

    I love the lush imagery in your post. I could even smell it as you described it.

    Great news about the camera- looking forward to seeing what you capture with it~

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  3. Hey Lady,
    Glad to hear you are getting back to your old self. Sometimes we are so busy worrying about the future we forget to enjoy the present.

    WOW, a white owl.

    I have to tell you I was thinking about you in the wee hours this morning. I was reading a novel, as I lay in bed wide awake at 2:00 a.m., and there is a guy retelling a hunting story and he sees a BLACK BEAR!

    Cindy Bee

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  4. Glad to hear you are feeling better. Nothing like a good cry, good friends, and being awed by nature to restore our souls. Boy, that owl with his lunch/dinner must've been an amazing sight! Sending more hugs your way.

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  5. Funks come and go, with Friends there to always see you through. More hugs, B. My camera cord is on the fritz and I feel part of me is going to die as puppies will be arriving soon and I NEED my camera (but I still have that old 3 pixel in the cupboard).

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  6. oh miss buttons, i am so happy that you are coming around! good friends and chocolate covered marshmallow work wonders! i've not seen that movie. i'll have to see if i can stream it through netflix. have a great weekend :) and more hugs for you!

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  7. A snowy owl....what a gift from the universe. I have only seen one and that from a respectable distance. So glad you are feeling more like yourself.

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  8. I have never seen a snowy owl in the wild. I'm glad you saw yours :-)

    Hooray for another camera!

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  9. So glad that the old Buttons is back.
    I have been thinking lots about my visit last week and all the talking we did, helping and healing works both ways.

    Love You, BA

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  10. Yeyyyyyyyyyyy! You are back and a camera is on the way. This was a very beautiful post...so glad you have many caring friends.

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  11. Sending you a big, warm kindred-Spirit hug!

    xoxoxoxo

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  12. Sounds like you are coming out of that funk!! Good for you!!

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  13. wonderful honesty- so little real honesty on the internet. I often find blogs one dimensional-only letting us in to see the happy emotions, clean houses and perfect children. My life's not anything like that - no ones is. Thank you for being honest-it is very refreshing!

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  14. The days when we feel inundated by blessings are wonderful days indeed.

    ((hugs))

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  15. We all get the blues from time to time. My way out of them is to go to my church and sit in the blessed silence and pour my heart out; He is always listening and I often find the solutions to my problems that way.

    Cinderella Man is among my favourite movies, I know why you loved it.

    You are blessed to be near a Snowy Owl. We have at least 5 species of owls here, and every time I see one, they lift me up- such magnificent creatures, even though I have to be careful not to let my cats out when they are around.

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  16. :-)

    You're a strong person, and strong people are tested, like other people, only the strong ones learn from it, relate it to others, and carry on.

    Well done, Buttons.

    Pearl

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  17. And you WON! I'm still figuring out what you won but you won at Thistle Cove Farm. You entered my post re. Vicki's Grow Your Blog Party...I'm sitting here, working on everything, just give me a bit of time and send your snail mail.

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  18. Oh, a snowy owl! That was a sign. Glad you are feeling better.

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  19. What a beautiful sign, that snowy owl! I think those funks are a part of life, but I love you for your new found attitude! It's a lesson I need to learn as well, and I'm inspired by your process of getting to the point of realizing that you are one lucky girl. I know I sure am-I found you, B:)

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  20. Glad your feeling better and happier ! We all have had tuff times in our life , if we didn't life would be boring but there is always someone worse of then we are all though that's not nice to think but it is true ! I have seen that movie and it was a good movie ! I don't look on the past of what was I look to the future of what could , as for the past I think of all the good things and as for now what good things are to come and what I have now and how lucky and blessed I am . Good post though it does ring true that we all get down and out it is a human thing to do ! Have a good day !

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  21. I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better!

    www.modernworld4.blogspot.com

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  22. I am so glad your sister is giving you a camera. I hope you will be able to take a pic of the snowy owl soon.

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  23. the snowy was a wonderful treat to help strengthen your resolve.

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  24. I'm so happy to hear this! I sometimes get in funks as well and feel bad because I know I have so much to be thankful for. I think it is related to crazy hormones, honestly! I tend to go in cycles. The winter is especially hard, though, with feeling down from time to time.

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  25. You got back up on the "pony" :) ! YAYAYAYAY!!!!

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  26. Hmmm..we are kind of in the same place B. and I am starting my do-over tomorrow! Don't know why but I have totally given up my jogging the past two months and that is NOT a good thing for me...back to the trail tomorrow. Maybe we need to plan a road trip?? I try not to think about the future anymore...just doesn't really help to go there but somehow it has become a worry for me...financially etc...wondering just what is going to happen. Might just have to sell everything and take off in my little trailer!!xoxo

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  27. I am so happy to hear that you are feeling happier again. We all get those times when we feel down and blue and it is too easy to sink down into those feelings.
    I'm glad you found your way out.
    Have a wonderful weekend and enjoy your beautiful countryside and all the treasures it offers you :))

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  28. It sounds like you didn't let life get you down, good for you! What a wonderful way to end the day, a snowy owl and a "new" camera.

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  29. Thinking you are the luckiest girl,

    thinking I am the luckiest "boy".

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  30. Yay for shaking off the blues- live out loud, girl...live out loud!!

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  31. oh, you truly are blessed, buttons! and count me in for one more virtual hug!

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  32. I am so glad you are feeling more positive, Buttons!

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  33. It's so easy to get a bit down this time of year -- for no reason at all. I'm glad your spirits are better. xo

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  34. good things happen to great people!!

    crying cleanses the soul and rids you of negative influenses.

    you are loved, soon you will know just how much!!

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  35. Lovely quote!
    www.rsrue.blogspot.com

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  36. Thanks for taking us along. Winter blues need to be fought off with a vengeance.

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  37. A moment like the one you had with the owl is what makes life so beautiful and worthwhile. Remember the moment.

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  38. So happy to hear you are feeling happier. I do believe we all have our ups and downs. When I am felling down I try to remind myself that this is only temporary. Sometimes that's easier said than done.. Your are such a sweet lady and I am glad to meet you here in blogland...

    Hugs~

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  39. Glad you are shaking off the blues tough time of year and when there are other issues,it is just plain tough . Hugs

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  40. We all have a lot to be thankful for. I am re discovering that myself. I continually need to try and block out my fears of the unknown. Thank you, B for your honest and thoughtful posts. I can identify with a lot of your insecurities.

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  41. We all get in a funk now and then but I'm happy to hear you are pulling yourself out of yours!! Seeing that owl must have been truly awesome and NOT having a picture really makes it "your" special moment to be treasured. You do have friends who truly care for you, even though you will never meet most of us!! {{HUGS}}

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  42. What an inspirational post B :)

    It's amazing how certain stories or movies can re-center us. Happens to me all the time.

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  43. crying cleanses us like the river cleanses your boots, it releases all we hold in. then you sigh and pick yourself up and realize. i can do this, im stronger than i give myself credit for and i am the reason that creates others happiness! love to you wonderful buttons...

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The mind grows by what it feeds on. J.G. Holland

Thank you so much for your comments, they mean more to me then I could ever express. Hug B