Friday, May 10, 2013

Understanding Mom!

One may have a blazing hearth in one’s soul and yet no one ever comes to sit by it.
Passerby see only a wisp of smoke from the chimney and continue on their way.
             Vincent van Gogh


A tear runs down my cheek, these are happy tears for the most part but also some sad tears thinking about the unknown future and remembering a past where I had failed to understand.

Mother’s Day is upon us once again and I honestly never know how to celebrate it, this is a day that means different things to different Moms and their children. I thought I could sit down and write a happy piece about this day and what it means to me, easy writing or so I thought. This proved to be a trip down memory lane and thinking about things I had forgotten or had pushed aside for any number of reasons. Those tears running down my cheek are because of those memories.

I remember being a happy child and listening to my Mom singing silly little songs all the time, a soothing constant that conquered the noise and turmoil of growing up in a crowded house with very active children. Mom’s songs always distracted us and calmed things down, I loved that. I now realize just how much those songs and smiles meant to me and how there was a lesson to be learned by watching her deal with life. The thinking my Mom was special would change as I entered my teenage years.

I remember a Mom wearing hand me down mismatched clothes that did not fit well while her children would be in hand me downs but they were cleaned and pressed and patched or made from material acquired from somewhere. I found myself embarrassed by her looks and never understood why she never took care of herself. I did not understand there was no money for her and the kids always came first.

I remember the Mom that would show up at my school with her hair not combed with little ones clinging to her legs and helping out with the field days and making sure every kid got a badge that she had stayed up nights making by hand because she said they all deserved to be recognized. I was embarrassed by the way she looked and for making those handmade badges. I never understood her exhaustion and this need to help those other kids feel good about what they had accomplished.

I remember the other kids calling my Mom "Weird" because she was not afraid to show the world who she really was and speak up for the ones that could not speak for themselves. I was embarrassed she was my Mom. I did not understand she was trying to help them.

I remember sitting around the crowded kitchen table and watching everyone eat while looking over and watching my Mom feed the babies with a rubber covered spoon and because I was so upset with something she said or did that day I did not notice that her plate had nothing on it. I was embarrassed because there was yet another mouth to feed. I did not understand this was very common and she wanted to make sure her children and her husband were fed well and stayed healthy.

I remember those days she would make me babysit and I was not able to go out with my friends when she had to “Help the neighbours.”  I was embarrassed thinking my friends again thought she was weird. I never understood that she was taking care of the elderly neighbours because their families could not and they were dying and she needed to help. That is who she was.

I truly never understood this Mom who grabbed her needs after everyone else had filled theirs, who gave sometimes so much at the expense of her own health.

Today as I am now the Mother, I have used those same lessons that I have seen my Mom use in her life as I raised my own girls. “Do as I say not as I do” was NOT the lesson “Do as you see” had all the lessons I needed. I never understood that by not really listening I was still learning by observing her unselfish acts of doing the right thing.

If my girls love me as much as I love you Mom I will be so happy about that. I am proud to tell everyone you are my Mother. That Mother with the unlimited compassion and understanding of what others really need.


By the way, now I show up with my hair not combed because I had forgotten while running out to help someone. I also may show up dressed weird because there are more important things to think about in this life but I think my girls will understand. I am sure they will be doing the same to their own children someday. Thank you Mom for being you and showing me what is truly important. I now understand.

Happy Mother’s Day!


Later.

Mom Approved!



56 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness, this brought a year to my eye. This is just how my mom is - helpful, caring, selfless. Mothers really are angels. Thoughts with you B. It really was a beautiful blog post xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. What a touching, poignant picture of your mom. She's an amazing woman, and you certainly have her heart. Happy Mother's Day!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sweet, sweet tribute to your mom!

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is such a beautiful post. I love how you now appreciate all those little things she did :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sometimes we are slow learning our lessons but we get there eventually. I'll bet your Mom is so proud of you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Beautiful, touching, made me smile. I lost my mom when I was 15, but I am forever grateful of the things she taught me. 15 years of an awesome mom is better than a lifelong mediocre mom.

    ReplyDelete
  7. What a beautiful tribute to an obviously very special woman. We all need to be more like your mother! Happy Mother's Day!

    ReplyDelete
  8. buttons...this is truly a beautiful post...wow....

    ReplyDelete
  9. Tears in my eyes....what a beautiful post to your Mom. You know what....at least you know NOW. Some people never get it. You do.

    Cindy Bee

    ReplyDelete
  10. You are right Miss B, it is amazing how much better we "understand" our Mother's and what they do/did as we get older.

    Happy Mother's Day to you and I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  11. What a wonderful tribute honoring your Mom! I feel like I know her, by all that you have written...what a wonderful woman! Happy Mothers Day to you and to your Mom, Buttons!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Loved it! thanks for sharing!!
    I think it took having my own children before I realized the sacrifices mom made.

    ReplyDelete
  13. My mum always put us first and yet still looked nice and tidy herself and my mum always made sure us kids were happy , healthy , clothed and had full tummies . Lovely post . Hold on to all of this as I do . I miss my mum !

    ReplyDelete
  14. A wonderful tribute to a beautiful loving mother.

    Cold chills and tears by the love in your words.

    ReplyDelete
  15. What a beautiful, heartfelt homage to your Mother Buttons; what a loving and compassionate daughter (and Mom) you are!

    ReplyDelete
  16. bless her hard-working, giving soul.

    ReplyDelete

  17. What in insightful portrait of your Mom, Buttons! You have been truly blessed by her wisdom and example. I am heart-glad that you are able to cherish that example and wisdom in your own life now.

    Vic303

    ReplyDelete
  18. Wonderful wonderful post - you are an excellent writer, and you captured your mother's love in the most beautiful way - XOXOXO

    ReplyDelete
  19. Beautiful tribute to your Mom ~ great photos!

    ps. We are all mothers and fathers to ourself too ~ hopefully we had the love we needed as children and discipline to parent ourself .

    Happy Mother's Day to you ~ You are a treasure!

    ReplyDelete
  20. This made my eyes well up! Beautiful words for a very special mother. Sometimes we have to become a mother ourselves before we can truly comprehend the sacrifice that is motherhood. Happy Mother's Day to you and your mom!

    ReplyDelete
  21. A truely lovely mother's day tribute.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Your mom sounds very, VERY special. I'm glad you recognize this now even if you didn't when you were a kid.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Now THIS is a blog (post)! Thank you for sharing your writing with us and for being yourself. I can only imagine the lovely post your daughters could write about you. One day they probably will. Sandra

    ReplyDelete
  24. Aww, what a sweet heartfelt post. I think every teenage girl feels embarrassed of her parents at some point. It's impossible to have perspective until you are older looking back on it. Lovely tribute to your mom, and the photos are so pretty! Have a great mother's day weekend :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. What a sweet tribute to you mom! This touched my heart, B, and helped me understand what a loving mother you have. And you have the same loving heart.

    ReplyDelete
  26. This is The Best Ever Lesson for and about Mother's Day!
    I was struggling with what i should share - and here, you've given the BEST Lesson of All Time.

    Love & Love,
    Happy Mother's Day!
    -g-

    ReplyDelete
  27. Such heartfelt words and memories that made me think about my own childhood! Wonderful!

    ReplyDelete
  28. You are such a wonderful Daughter... Your Mom had to be as wonderful to raise such a caring Daughter.
    Happy Mothers Day to both of you.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Beautiful tulips -- wishing you a happy mother's day!

    ReplyDelete
  30. B,

    The lessons we learn about our mothers when growing up but not understanding them until we grow older. This is a beautiful tribute to your mother.
    Happy Mother's Day to you and your Mother.

    ReplyDelete
  31. We oft learn so much from hindsight. Beatifully written Buttons. Wishing you a beautiful mothers day. Hugs Willow

    ReplyDelete
  32. Fabulous - you are so fortunate to have a mother that cared - many aren't so lucky - and the memories are not good. You brightened my day - thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Understanding comes as we age. It is so wonderful you can think of your mother as being who she was and not as others saw her. I am sure you are a truly great mum and your children will understand you for who you are and what you do for them and for others.
    Thank you for a thought provoking post. I too will be thinking of both my mums tomorrow....the one who game birth to me and I never met and the one who bought me up so well and went without so that I would have a good education and a good start in life. Later in her life she did so much for others that she was awarded an MBE which made me proud. xx

    ReplyDelete
  34. We don't truly appreciate our parents until we've become parents ourselves. You've written a beautiful tribute to your mom. Happy Mothers' Day.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Moms truly are gifts from God. Your mother sounds just like mine, as she too, had 9 of us that she tended daily, never leaving us leave the house without a hug, selfless in every way, Mothering still now that most of us are collecting Social Security, she still worries about us.
    LOVE this endearing tribute to your MOM :)
    BlessYou and Happy Mother's Day

    ReplyDelete
  36. Beautiful tribute to your Dear Mother, Buttons. She was a very loving and giving person and you take right after her. Happy Mother's Day to you both. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  37. Lovely to read about you and your mum and what she was like. Mum's are special, like you. Have a Happy Mother's Day my friend. Hugs M xoxox

    ReplyDelete
  38. What a wonderful and insightful post. It brought tears to my eyes and a pang to my heart. I don't think we ever really realise....and neither do our daughters...until we are in that place of bring up our own children!!

    I remember one woman looking me up and down. I was still in my farm overalls as we were in the middle of working in the yards (my hair was probably all over the place and I may have had a splatter of cow poop on my cheek) and I had popped into the shop to get some bread. She proudly told me "I am always at home to meet my children when they walk home from school" I always regretted not answering "and I always have to take my children and fetch them from school as there is no transport"

    The Bible verse about not storing up treasures on earth where moths and rust will destroy but storing up treasures in heaven...it finishes...."For where your treasure is there your heart will be also" I thought of your mother!!
    What a tribute you have written and by bringing up your children in like manner you are making a living tribute to her!!
    extra blessings my friend. Joan

    ReplyDelete
  39. Lovely B!
    A very happy mothers to you!!
    You are special !!
    Fondly,Rain
    :)

    ReplyDelete
  40. What a wonderful and beautiful tribute B. This made me quite emotional...very very touching.

    ReplyDelete
  41. A beautiful tribute to your Mum and a sharing of your thoughts. Most teenagers don't understand there mothers until they are older or mothers themselves.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Its amazing how some lessons are not understood until much later. It sounds like your mom already knew patience and is okay with your learning.

    Awesome lesson!

    ReplyDelete
  43. B, at times like this, I wish I was more able to eloquently express what I feel. From both the perspective of being a daughter, and having a daughter, I know that motherhood is complicated. I was not the model daughter when I was young, and for years I felt unforgivable guilt over the way I treated my mom. But we are close now, and most importantly, I learned from my past and applied it to Amy so that she and I have, and I hope always will have, a wonderful relationship. You are such a gem, dear B,,I hope you have a very blessed Mother's Day! xx

    ReplyDelete

  44. With age comes perspective, and greater love....

    Beautiful memories of a Mom...

    Jen

    ReplyDelete
  45. Lovely post B... Happy Mother's Day!

    ReplyDelete
  46. two peas b, two peas!!

    happy mothers day!!

    ReplyDelete
  47. This is such a wonderful post for Mother's Day. So very very sweet.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Like most I never truly saw my mother as a woman until I became a mother myself.
    As a teen she embarrassed me,as I am sure ( and was told) I embarrassed my own children.I tried to remember that my own thoughts of my mother changed as I aged and am happy to say my own children's views of me have softened.
    I am very fortunate to have my mother still here and to enjoy hearing of her remembrances of her mother, childhood and grandmothers.Wonderful role models all.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Wonderful post, B. I walk out my door almost every day without a comb going through my hair...my Aussies, nor my Grandchildren never seem to mind. Enjoy YOUR day. xx (and yes, Gill and I commute by phone, shall you like a chat over coffee some day, email me off your phone #).

    ReplyDelete
  50. Oh my heart just swelled reading this. I too am just now really understanding my mother.

    ReplyDelete
  51. What a lovely post! It does take us "growing up" sometimes to truly understand and appreciate our moms. I hope you AND your mom had a wonderful Mother's Day! :)

    ReplyDelete
  52. B...I hope you know that you are a very special person! The way you express yourself is way off the charts. I love your sensitivity, humility and the way you care about the important things in life. Hope you had a great day.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Beautiful, and I am sure your mother understood more than you knew, after all you are there now and hace such insights

    ReplyDelete
  54. absolutely beautiful tribute to this remarkable woman. love and blessings to the both of you...

    ReplyDelete

The mind grows by what it feeds on. J.G. Holland

Thank you so much for your comments, they mean more to me then I could ever express. Hug B

Please do not copy my work. If you like it let me know I am sure we can work something out. Copyright is in place.