like a flurry of wild rain,
shall drift across the darkened plane.
Sir Charles George Douglas Roberts
It is Sunday morning and I once again roll over to look at the clock, the red numbers glow 4:30…. 4:31…4:32.. I have been tossing and turning trying to not look at that darn clock for a while now. I am sure I cannot possibly be the only one watching a clock that keeps changing click by click. You know you have to get up and head to the little girls room but you really just want to stay snuggled under that fresh fragrant down comforter that you once again pull up over your head trying to block those thoughts that keep your mind racing.
You pull that comforter tight to your nose and smell the fresh air that clings, while remembering it blowing in the wind as it hung on the gate leading to the barnyard because you don’t have a clothesline and had this overwhelming need to be surrounded by this smell all night long, knowing one of many sleepless states were indeed coming, they always come. This wonderful smell reminds you of those beautiful cool nights when your windows are always wide open capturing those fresh, clean, soothing, forget everything smells. If I could sleep outside under the stars every night in this soft comfy bed and not worry about the weather I would. With those soft sounds and the endless breeze blowing over you, a natural lullaby that always lulls you to sleep, with not one clicking clock in sight. 4:33…4:34…There is nothing like the outdoor air. I finally fling that comforter back, that little girl’s room is calling.
I shuffle across the kitchen floor but pause at the window to see the slip of the moon with its moonbeams bouncing off the snow and ice, its brightness dulled by the mist that surrounds. Off to its left is the brightest star in a sky full of stars. Oh this is so beautiful, my eyes take it all in but my heart once again beats faster and my mind races as I think about the day not to mention the week or month that lies ahead. I wonder if I am going to get through all that has to be done…. this day, this week, this month or honestly this year.
Why do I always taint these peaceful beautiful moments worrying and thinking of what lies ahead instead of just enjoying what is right there in front of me at a given moment? What is the matter with me? Worry and more worry. My Grandma told me long ago that I was like her so I wonder if she would also stand at a window looking at the slip of the moon her eyes taking in all its beauty but her heart beating faster, and her mind racing thinking of things that may or may not happen. Was she wasting time thinking too far ahead and missing those special moments?
I click the kettle down so I can have a tea as I walk by and decide there is no reason to go back to that fragrant soothing comforter now. Oh yes first the little girls room and then I will sit in front of that big window with the slip of the moon with its moonbeams dancing on the snow and ice accompanied by that bright star off to its left, it deserves to be seen and not wasted. The sun will rise over the horizon and I will see it all, not wasting one little bit of this day. I look over the clock on the microwave its illuminating white light pierces the darkness…. 4:46.
I am not the only one…. right?