Progress is the real cure for an over-estimate of ourselves.
The sound of a door opening shook me from my slumber; I wondered who would be coming into my bedroom in the middle of the night disturbing my travelling in The Tardis dream. I opened my eyes and there stood My Hero with that huge smile I always love to see, I could see the sun shining through the window. Questions filled my mind. Is it morning? Did I sleep through the night? I scanned the room and realized I was actually in my chair in our living room having no idea what time it was or actually how I had gotten there. Could it be that I was still dreaming and in the middle of that Dr. Who episode and really had travelled back in time?
I took a moment to get my bearings then said hello to My Hero and then I noticed he was staring at something on the table beside me. I turned my head and saw a half empty can of beans and some crackers. I was very confused and had no idea where it came from and thinking I must have blacked out, then very slowly reality started seeping with small bits and pieces into in my head. This is really happening and then I knew I may have to rethink this “I can do it all alone” thinking.
It all started earlier that morning when I was checking the cows and I could not see one sign that there were calves going to be born any time today. The cows were taking their sweet time and looked rather comfy while they were waiting, they appeared to be just taking things in stride and not worrying about anything. I remembered thinking I wish I could be like that. I also remembered I was grateful for that because it is still quite cold at night (-14celsius) and I have seen a few Coyotes walking about waiting for the big event to begin also; I honestly do not need more worries right now. I finished feeding the girls and had the usual chit chat and a pet here and there then quickly rushed back to the house to start my day. I have so many irons in the fire these days, and I had convinced myself I could get all of those things done. I now wonder at what cost. I drove out of the drive way to get some of those projects started knowing the more I can get done now before the real busy season the better for me later.
After a flurry of projects, my running around getting supplies, some fretting and the rest of my flying past without one concrete memory day,( well except for a nice visit with my Mom, I never forget those), I remembered standing in front of my pantry staring and wondering what I could make for supper for that hardworking Hero of mine. As I stood there I was wondering why I was so hungry until the realization that it was now 3:30pm and I had not eaten since 6:00 am, then I spotted that can of beans.
Memories of sitting around a table in an old crowded house with a bowl of pork and beans with small pieces of cut up wieners, and the sound of lots of chatter and laughter surrounding me. This feeling of complete calm and happiness while enjoying every single spoon full as it made its way into my waiting mouth and watching my Mother smile as she watched all her hungry children gobble it up, flooded my mind. This was the sense of peace and satisfying calm that I have been struggling to find during these days filled with uncertainty and worry.
I grabbed that can of beans from the cupboard, ran to find a can opener, a spoon and some crackers then opened that can up. I sat in my chair and gobbled up those beans straight out of the can like there was no tomorrow. I remembered feeling exhausted but happy and then setting the can down on the table.
This brings me back to the beginning where I found myself sitting in my chair with My Hero staring at me with his huge smile. I looked into his eyes and just blurted out. Want some beans. His reply, “Sure but can I have mine in a bowl please?” He laughed and so did I.
Now that is why I love this man. He never mentioned one thing about there being no dinner, the fact that the house was a mess or that he had found his beautiful (OK I added that part it was more like dishevelled) sleeping wife with an open can of beans lying beside her. He was just happy to see me finally sleeping with a smile on my face.
|Lizzy finished my Mom squares blanket and Mom insisted on trying it out. Now Lizzy is working on Pearly's.|
I will be slowing down now. I do not need another wake-up call, sometimes it just takes a happy memory, and a smiling face to make you realize what is truly important.