It is only the constant exertion and working of our sensitive,
intellectual, moral, and physical machinery
that keeps us from rusting, and becoming useless.
Today I sit here in front of this computer, there will be no running downstairs to pull on those coveralls, those Pink Cadillac Boots nor picking a hat for the tractor ride to visit the girls, at least that is what I have been telling myself since I pulled myself out of bed at ten this Friday morning. I have finally crashed after months of trying to juggle all the things in my life that needed to be done. I must say I should have known this would eventually happen all the signs were there, those sleepless nights, those constant yawning moments and those tears without reason. I have hit a wall of life and may not be able to bounce over this as easily as I thought; it seems to be impenetrable. My body has truly betrayed me.
The last few months have been physically demanding on this poor old body of mine, I cannot believe I am still throwing wood into the basement and feeding that woodstove, it is May for goodness sake, something that used to mean something, as far as warmth goes. The calving season moved along quickly with some unfortunate losses, something I still have a hard time getting over. Except for a few stragglers we should be done soon.
Every muscle in my body aches, a pain unlike the Fibromyalgia pain I have grown used too, well as used to as anyone can, to an unrelenting constant pain that rips at your skin and constantly burns. My fingers shake as I type this and I think of going back to lie down. I know I must find a way to get down those stairs and throw some more wood in that ravenous stove but the thought of those heavy wood pieces seems overwhelming, I procrastinate.
I know I am not the only person who puts everything they have into taking care of everyone and everything at the expense of themselves. While listening to the rain bounce off the kitchen window I am still having second thoughts about dragging my betraying body down those stairs and getting ready to go check on the girls. It is times like these that I wish someone else lived here on the farm someone that could help this girl who just wants to go back to bed and shut the world out, if only for a little while.
Well I should go, there are no excuses those cows do not care if I am sick they need me and darn it I am going to make it back there if I have to drag my body across the lawn and pull myself into that tractor. I’m coming girls.
I will be taking a little Blogging break to try to figure out what went wrong with my betraying body and get back into tip top shape so I can once again take care of everything and everyone that needs me. If that sun would come out it sure would make a difference; is that really too much to ask?
Hope to see you all soon.