Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Dreaming with Mom!

The first ingredient in conversation is truth;
the next, good sense;
the third, good humour;
and the fourth, wit.
           Sir William Temple


I am sure you all know by now that my Mom has Alzheimer’s and lives in a place that is incredible with loving caring staff, excellent security and I have to say a real sense of her own home. Alzheimer’s has many challenges but there is one thing that bothers me the most I think and that is wondering what Mom will remember and how our conversations will go. I do worry when I am not able to visit for a while because I am out of town so when I get back I make sure I have a large chunk of time to spend and catch up. Monday was that day after all the running around with the wedding, the move etc etc. Oh how I love that time with Mom.

I walked into the bright sunny room and Mom was lying in bed, it was near lunch time so I knew we would be trying to get her up and I could spend time with her. One of the staff who I now refer to as family asked if I would like to join the house for lunch and she would throw an extra potato in the pot. I declined as I had just finished a sandwich, I told you this place was just like home.

I remember my Grandma used to cook for no one in particular but always had something simmering on her back burner hoping someone would drop in to eat. I loved those wonderful smells that floated around the air coming from her kitchen and my always sitting down to a bowl of something while she watched me with a big smile enjoying every bite. Just like home, I knew the decision to have Mom move into this place was the right one.

Back to my visit with Mom, my mind drifts these days. I said Hi Mom wondering if she knew who I was and always hoping she does, I think this has to be the hardest part for family members. I remember she forgot who I was once and that was four years ago but it still left an ache in my heart and still makes me sad to this very day. Today however she smiled and when I started to talk about the wedding (I did that on purpose trying to trigger her memories) she smiled a huge smile and replied “The wedding the cows came to” that is just what I wanted to hear. We talked a long time about the wedding where the conversation kept revolving around the cows and how beautiful the bride was in her satiny gown. Oh this conversation was wonderful not only had Mom remembered that day but she remembered the event that we all needed as a family to forget the past few years of turmoil and loss. Mom was beaming while talking about those cows mooing through the whole ceremony. My heart was singing.

Lunch was a bowl of delicious potato soup; Mom as usual took two spoonfuls, even with all my coaxing she never tried anymore, she lay back down. I munched on her cookies trying to tempt her to have one, no luck another Alzheimer’s thing is to not eat and that is where we sit these days, it is the scary one for me. She fell asleep for a bit. I left for a while to let her rest.

About an hour later I came back to see if I could tempt her to eat something else but she just wanted to sleep more. I asked if I could have a nap with her she said “Oh yes jump in, just don’t push me out of bed” and I snuggled close to her. I gently rested my arm over her skeletal little shoulders and we talked about cows and gowns till one by one we both drifted off to sleep. My dreaming of days gone by and how much love was in that room while she, well I am not at all sure, Alzheimer’s has changed all that.

Thanks Mom.

Later.


43 comments:

  1. Your Mom will always respond to love. Even if that response is difficult to see, it is there. So glad you had a good visit with her. =)

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  2. Glad you had a good visit with your Mom, Miss B. Priceless!

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  3. Mornin' B.

    How perfect that she remembered the wedding!
    Love the photograph.

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  4. This brings back such vivid memories of my mom and me during her journey through Alzheimer's. I always felt so bad for the residents who had no one to be their advocate. Your mom is blessed.

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  5. A dear and precious post...

    Your Mother is a lucky lady, to have you, for a daughter. Visiting her and seeing that she is so well taken care of.

    Gentle hugs,
    Tessa~

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  6. I tell ya....tears are flowing....can't hardly see the keyboard....my heart is aching for ya...Thank you for sharing such a personal story with us all. All my love to you Buttons...hugs!

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  7. How beautiful. You and your mom are lucky to have each other. Sounds like she got a kick outta the cows mooing. That's awesome.
    Cheri

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  8. Oh my . . . tears . . . for you, for me.
    Overwhelmed with happy, that you snuggled up and had a nap with your mom. You will never ever forget that!

    My final day with my mom was a walk we took down the hall, (me walking, she riding in the wheelchair.). We went to the room where she had her hair washed and styled each week. It was something my mother always did during her more vital days, have her hair done. So as her senility began to rob more and more of her, it was the one thing we kept doing each week.

    On this last day together, I brushed and fiddled with her hair, touched her scalp, rubbed her shoulders, listened to her sounds of how much she was enjoying the pampering . . . We walked the halls back to her room, tucked in for the night and I went to my home.

    I received a call a few hours later . . . to learn she had died in her sleep. It brings my tears to write this and a joy that we shared that final pampering time together.

    Your writing always seems to trigger moments from my past. I love that about you, and your stories.

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  9. This brought tears to my eyes. So beautiful that you could spend time with your mom and she was lucid enough to remember the wedding and the cows. What a gift that was for you. Blessings.

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  10. I'm so glad you had a day of good shared memories with her.

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  11. i love potato soup. so warming to the soul. i think you can always learn something from someone with Alzheimer's ... i worked for several folks who had it ... they had a great sense of humor, & taught me tons. ( :

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  12. Special Mom hugs today. I baked pumpkin spice cookies for my mom today while she made me a sandwich. Nothing special but so special for an 89 year old mom and her 66 year old daughter. Linda@Wetcreek Blog

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  13. So glad for you that she remembered the wedding! This was a beautiful post, B!

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  14. Oh I read this post with tears in my eyes, such a sweet visit. Thanks for sharing your time, your visit with your Mom, with us.

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  15. A very touching post about the love you have for your sweet mother. I'm glad you had a great visit and got to snuggle with her.

    Hugs,
    JB

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  16. This reminds me a little bit of the children's book...
    I'll love you forever,
    I'll like you for always,
    As long as you're living
    My baby you'll be!
    Have you read it?
    Some things will never change, even though age and Alzheimer's take their toll, you and your mom have that special bond.

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    1. I have read it Alica and it means something very different to me now.xo

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  17. My precious grandmother is in much the same state. I know this is hard for you.

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  18. Thank you for sharing the story of your visit with your precious mother. I think remembering the wedding as the one with the cows is beautiful. And I know--I just know--that no matter what else she may remember, she feels your love.

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  19. Beatifully written, Buttons! Sending hugs to you and your mom! xo Nellie

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  20. Grace, my heart breaks for you...this is so hard to go through...

    But what a caring and loving place for her to be in. It sounds wonderful, and it makes such a difference.

    Jen

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  21. Cherish the good times you can still have with your Mom. I am so glad you found a safe and caring place for her to call home now.

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  22. Such a sweet moment. Alzheimer's is a terrible thing. My maternal grandmother and several of her children all had it. Hang in there. Wonderful post!

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  23. As you know we moved Linda's mom out here and we know she's well cared for. The visits are never easy, as we know how things progress. A secure wing is reassuring for sure. For Linda the more difficult moments are when Mom has the rare moments of clarity. It may seem cruel to think this way to some. However, when Mom's mind is in her unique place... it seems right. There is no missing this or that. She lives in the moment.

    I hope you continue to have special moments to cherish.

    --Daniel xo

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  24. Blessings to you for being a loving daughter, and to your mom because she remembered the cows and the satiny dress.

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  25. What a beautiful post. My mother had dementia, when my children were young and I remember visits with 3rd child in my arms and she would look at the baby and ask me : Lois Anne, does your father know about that baby? Which was both sad, because she forgot that I was married and a mother, but happy and funny because she remembered my name. :) I have a lot of bittersweet and comical memories. Your mother sounds as though she has a wonderful place to live.

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  26. It must have been lovely for you to hear that she remembered the wedding and the cows. It is sad when they won't eat. You are great the way you care for her and give her so much love.

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  27. awwwww buttons, not a dry eye in the house!! i'm so gald you were able to hold her close....and that you love her this much. it is a tender story to read!!!

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  28. So very very sad. My grandmother is 100 years old and in the nursing home. The last time she knew me was summer of 2013. Until the last few months I could at least carry on a conversation with her even though she had no idea who I was. Now, she just talks out of her head, is so confused, no conversation at all. Breaks my heart. I miss my Grandma. Hugs my friend.

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  29. You are so patient with your Mom!!! Just the way she used to be patient with you, when you were little!!!

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  30. B,

    Beautifully written story about your Mom, and the place she lives.
    It sounds like this facility has great staff, and they make you feel at home.

    I believe my Mom has Alzhiemer's. My sister and I have been trying to get her to the doctor, she refuses. It's been a battle, but we keep trying to get her the help she needs.

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    1. I am sorry Sandy it was a hard thing to get my Mom to admit it too. Good luck. xo

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  31. How wonderful to have this time with your mom B.

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  32. It really is the little things that matter so much, isn't it, B?
    Your mom may not have known you right away, but she remembered the wedding--and the cows, because that's what made the day so special for everyone, including her.
    I know you treasure each visit, and each smile, and each time you get to say, "I love you, Mom," and she hears it. She always will. Sweet dreams to both of you.

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  33. Bless you both, you and Mum. I used to climb up on my Dad's bed too. He didn't like me getting on his "air mattress" though, he said I pushed it all his way.

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  34. That has truly got to got to be the worst thing about Alzheimers, the not remembering family. Hugs, dear one. And to Mom, too.

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  35. That's a touching post. Wonderful your mum remembered the Wedding. God bless you both :). Hugs M xox

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  36. Oh Buttons, it hurts in my heart to read about your Mom. I know what it is like to wonder if she will know you when you visit. It is good that she remembered the wedding with the cows. It is so very hard for the loved ones with Alzheimers. Sending you some hugs. Another post I missed this week. Darn Blogspot!

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  37. My lovely mother-in-law had dementia too so I know how hard it can be. I'm so glad she remembered the cows at the wedding! Sounds like she's living in a GREAT place.

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  38. as beautiful as your description of the wedding was, it was this story that brought me to tears. you have a very dear family...love to you all.

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The mind grows by what it feeds on. J.G. Holland

Thank you so much for your comments, they mean more to me then I could ever express. Hug B

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