By speaking of our misfortunes we often seem to get relief.
A searing pain pierces the skin on my back, pulsating down my spine to my legs then into my toes, exiting into the cold seemingly impenetrable black earth below. My arms are on fire and my head is pounding. The intense heat has me dizzy and ready to give up and to finally be able to fall to the ground letting the earth win, swallowing me up to take me away. It would be so easy this time to just give up, give in. I, once again, push through the pain as I have always done. Wearily fighting and labouring long hours in the extreme heat, I toss the shackles from my waist holding me tight. Uncoiling the worn leather from my callused bleeding hands while trying to stand tall with a back that no longer bends, needing to believe this hard life will end soon. I walk over to the old horse that looks as tired and worn out as I feel and pat her on the back. I bend down to pick up another rock. Life is so hard. Why?
A gut wrenching scream ……….
I wake to find myself in a pool of my own sweat, the blankets on the floor and not one ploughed field, rock filled ground or old horse in sight. Where did that come from?
There are a lot of things that run through your mind when you are lying on the couch. The TV softly soothes you into that blissful peaceful sleep you have been craving for nights. Unfortunately, your feverish mind continues to absorb what is happening on that TV and keeping you in tune, be that a bit warped. An old western where women were basically seen as chattel to walk the plough was probably not the best choice to fall asleep to.
The fourth day of flu or whatever we shall call it certainly was a tough one. Optimism has me believe that it is indeed on its way out. It is now the morning of the sixth day so I am starting to see things a bit clearer.
Out the window this morning the sun is shining, the snow is glistening. There is still the matter of a bedroom emptied into my kitchen. A painting job was put on hold when this farm girl was stricken with whatever it was, but things are on the upswing. I can see that I will be able to hop up into the tractor not drag myself into the tractor today. Fresh air and a purpose were probably what had gotten me through this. The cows needed to be fed every day no matter what, and that had me going out no matter what. Sun or not, sick or not. They count on me. To be needed is a great thing.
The sun IS probably the most needed thing for most of us this time of year. Without its’ brilliance, a lot of us feel much like that woman in my dream. Life is, and will be good once again. Sometimes we just need a bit of sun to see that.
To all my friends out there suffering without the sun we crave and need, it is coming believe me. Hold on and just remember……. one of those darn groundhogs was wrong AND we women will NEVER need to use an old horse to plough a field anymore.