Thursday, February 12, 2015

On the sixth day.......

By speaking of our misfortunes we often seem to get relief.
                                           Pierre Corneille


A searing pain pierces the skin on my back, pulsating down my spine to my legs then into my toes, exiting into the cold seemingly impenetrable black earth below. My arms are on fire and my head is pounding. The intense heat has me dizzy and ready to give up and to finally be able to fall to the ground letting the earth win, swallowing me up to take me away. It would be so easy this time to just give up, give in. I, once again, push through the pain as I have always done. Wearily fighting and labouring long hours in the extreme heat, I toss the shackles from my waist holding me tight. Uncoiling the worn leather from my callused bleeding hands while trying to stand tall with a back that no longer bends, needing to believe this hard life will end soon. I walk over to the old horse that looks as tired and worn out as I feel and pat her on the back. I bend down to pick up another rock. Life is so hard. Why?

A gut wrenching scream ……….


I wake to find myself in a pool of my own sweat, the blankets on the floor and not one ploughed field, rock filled ground or old horse in sight. Where did that come from?

There are a lot of things that run through your mind when you are lying on the couch. The TV softly soothes you into that blissful peaceful sleep you have been craving for nights. Unfortunately, your feverish mind continues to absorb what is happening on that TV and keeping you in tune, be that a bit warped. An old western where women were basically seen as chattel to walk the plough was probably not the best choice to fall asleep to.

The fourth day of flu or whatever we shall call it certainly was a tough one. Optimism has me believe that it is indeed on its way out. It is now the morning of the sixth day so I am starting to see things a bit clearer.


Out the window this morning the sun is shining, the snow is glistening. There is still the matter of a bedroom emptied into my kitchen. A painting job was put on hold when this farm girl was stricken with whatever it was, but things are on the upswing. I can see that I will be able to hop up into the tractor not drag myself into the tractor today. Fresh air and a purpose were probably what had gotten me through this. The cows needed to be fed every day no matter what, and that had me going out no matter what. Sun or not, sick or not. They count on me. To be needed is a great thing.

The sun IS probably the most needed thing for most of us this time of year. Without its’ brilliance, a lot of us feel much like that woman in my dream. Life is, and will be good once again. Sometimes we just need a bit of sun to see that. 


To all my friends out there suffering without the sun we crave and need, it is coming believe me. Hold on and just remember……. one of those darn groundhogs was wrong AND we women will NEVER need to use an old horse to plough a field anymore. 


Later

45 comments:

  1. I'm so glad you are feeling better today, Buttons! Yes, we definitely need the sun this time of year. Luckily for me I haven't had the flu so whenever the sun shines I try to get out to shovel the drive, take photos, watch the birds...whatever, as long as I can enjoy a bit of sunshine. :)

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  2. So sorry to read that you have been sick! Hope you are on the mend.

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  3. May sunshine and good health brighten your day today!

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  4. Your post have not been showing up on my feed. Glad I stopped by today!
    Sorry you have not been feeling well!
    And I agree, Sunshine would be wonderful!!!

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    1. Oh Sandra I am having a heck of a time with my posts. They have not been showing up on many of my friends feeds. I wonder if updating my site would help ( I put a note on my sidebar). I am at a loss as to what to do. Thank you for checking. I miss my friends. Any suggestions from anyone would be appreciated. I post twice a week (Mondays and Thursdays) rain or shine:) hug B

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    2. Apparently it has something to do with AOL and Yahoo. Other bloggers are having the same problem. I'm not sure why though.
      JB

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  5. Your dream sounds like some of mine. Such craziness that runs through the mind when sleeping makes me wonder where all the ideas come from. I often dream of my home town where I haven't lived for almost 40 years. I too, am thankful we don't have to use a horse to plough a field to get to town for groceries. I hope you are feeling better. Sunshine sure helps. Hugs.

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    1. You know Pam I rewrote this early this morning. I had used the spelling plough a word I love. When I looked it up it is English spelling not Canadian is that true should I change it back? I only like to write my posts in Canadian. Maybe my readers have suggestions feel free to jump in. I do think PLOUGH looks cooler than PLOW:) Never mind I am changing it back again:):)

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  6. Miss B,
    Sunshine makes a huge difference on our mentality. We haven't had any bright sunny days since Sunday. Monday's dense fog lasted all day, but I enjoyed the beauty of the frost.

    Take care of yourself and feel better soon.

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  7. I don't know how you did it. going out, when sick with the flu. I simply don't know how you did it.

    and don't say you had to do it. there is such a thing, as physical impossibility.

    just happy for the cows, that it was not a total physical impossibility, for you.

    now... please get better. hehhhhh... as if you don't really want to, hu? hehhhhhhh...

    gentle hugs... Tessa~

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  8. your feb. 9th.... and this, your feb. 12th, showed up in my feed...

    just sayin'....... :-)

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  9. i usually push through sickness too. it has been my normal thing. i remember going to school sick and hating every moment. but i think it teaches you a thing or two. there are times i just fall in the bed and die. but not always. i guess i do have a right (or we all do for that matter) to be in our sickness and lie around moaning and groaning. you know. i think i need to give you permission. pleas take care of yourself. drink a cup of tea or at least put you feet up ... please??! ( :

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  10. wow, fever dreams have got to be the worst! i sure hope this breaks, soon!

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  11. I generally have to see your link show up on FB, it doesn't show up on my blogger feed until after it shows up there.

    Feel better soon Buttons...sending you huge hugs and (metaphysical) chicken soup, along with a dream catcher!

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  12. How vividly written. You had me gripped there! I am glad you are beginning to feel a bit better. Here's hoping day 7 sees you even better still!

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  13. Sorry you've been sick with a nasty flu. Being a farm girl too, I know what's it like to work while sick.
    I'm glad you woke up from that nightmare and that you could get out in the fresh air.

    Keep getting well.
    Hugs,
    JB

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  14. I'm such a bad friend...I'm way far behind in reading your posts. I'm so glad you're beginning to feel better! Now it's my turn to tell you to take care of yourself!! Hugs to you...and hope you're staying warm up there!

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  15. I had no idea what I was reading at the start of your post till you mentioned about the nightmare. I dislike those horrid dreams while deliriously ill from the flu. I hope you feel better soon. It is a wicked one I hear. Sending you gentle hugs.

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  16. So sorry! That dang thing got us all. I'm glad you are on the upswing. Good luck. My heart goes out to you as we also had our turn.

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  17. You are a tough "cookie" to do what you do while ill. I respect your perseverance! Linda@Wetcreek Blog

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  18. No fun to feel that way....but you are right. When you live on a farm, you do what you've gotta do no matter what. At 11pm I was out in the barn giving the horses a dose of hot water and another flake of hay. Should be -25 by morning and we have plenty of snow to share. Hope you are getting back to normal. Stay warm B. I have been hooked on Netflix too...my winter sport. Ha ha.

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  19. Like Tessa, post of 9th and 12th appeared today. There's been some change lately. Had got used to my posts appearing on followers' dashes 24 to 48 hours after launching them. Then my latest post appeared everywhere within minutes. No tinkering on my part. An enigma! Get well Buttons --remember, flu shot only covers a quarter of viruses out there so don't discount the flu for some more heinous distemper. Don't pet sick people. And refrain from Google diagnosis --it usually says I have Parvo.

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  20. Oh yuck! The flu sucks! Knocking on wood, I haven't even had a cold. And I didn't get the shot. I hope you get to feeling better!
    As for the rockchucks, they're poking their heads outta the rocks here. :)
    Cheri

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  21. Nightmares are the worst when we're sick and stay with us ( me ) far longer than normal dreaming time. I have fallen asleep while a t.v. show was on and also awoken to convoluted thoughts and dread. Good thing you have everyday needed chores to do to keep you tied into reality. Having animals dependent on us makes us get out of bed and simply DO what is required which also keeps us rooted in what is necessary and required, which is a circular thing and reminds us we are required . Thus, you are not only required, but needed.

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  22. You are one tough lady. I'm glad you are starting to see some improvement. As to the blogger problem....Both your posts ended up in my reading list today (Friday). I've been having a problem on some blogs with commenting....sometimes the words I'm typing are so faint I can hardly see them and sometimes I am typing blind. Not sure what is causing that problem. Can't complain I guess...the service IS free after all.

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  23. Oh my, sounds like you were in a bad way.
    Get better as I know you will...
    Hugs M xoxox

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  24. YiKeS buttons, i hate nightmares!!! i sure do hope you are approaching the side of wellness, take care of yourself. all the work that needs to be done will still be there when you are strong enough to do it!!!!

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  25. oh no, poor buttons!!! i am so sorry you have had the flu...i hope you are doing better!! sending hugs and get well wishes!!

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  26. Wowsie there girl . . . I hope you will continue to feel better. Hard work like you do and the flu to boot . . . doesn't sound like good news to me!
    Be careful, take care, "momma" says!

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  27. Oh you sound miserable! I hope you feel much better soon!

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  28. Oh, so sorry you have been/are sick! Farm life does march on, sick or not. But I am in agreement - a sense of purpose and fresh air really do help you get through it. I am so glad I don't watch television - I used to absorb late night tv and it came back to haunt me in my dreams. Feel better soon, dear Buttons! I know the sun will eventually come - I just wish it would hurry up!

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  29. B,

    It's good to hear you're starting to feel somewhat better. Yes, I must agree fresh air and sun makes a world of difference on how you feel.
    Once you've taken care of your animals with feeding, may I recommend relaxing with a nice hot cup of coffee or tea and enjoying more of the sun on your face. Take it easy my friend.
    Hugs,
    Sandy

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  30. So glad that you are on the tail end of what ever you had.. Being sick is no fun. I wish I could send you some of this California Sunshine.

    Hugs~

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  31. I love the way you write, Grace! That was a real dandy dream you had there. I have some vivid dreams myself and often wonder what it all means. If anything. Hope you are feeling much, much better now. Take care of yourself!

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  32. That was a very dark beginning. You had me worried. Being sick at anytime is extremely unpleasant. But you can't keep a good girl down. I'm glad you're on the mend.

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  33. Wow, it looks so cold there. Hope you get a taste of Spring soon.
    Lynne

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  34. Sure hope your strength returns soon - I see you optimism is still intact. When Bob and I had what was maybe the flu, we felt weak and ill for about a week and a half.

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  35. Beautiful words but sorry to hear about the flu. I hate getting sick - sending well wishes to you!! xoxo

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  36. I hope you're feeling better by now, dear, and that the sun in hitting your shoulders. *hugs*

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  37. not in this country anyway. Grace, it's brutal here as well and am glad, I think, not to have satt t.v. to disrupt my dreams. falling asleep on the couch isn't an option as the dogs won't move over. -grin- be well SOON.

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  38. Do you know you are a hero of mine ? To be able to get yourself out and feed the girls when you are so sick .. my god ! I would be shivering under my blankets unable to move .. my girls would get skinny in a hurry ... wait a minute ... their vet said they were supposed to drop some weight (as all of us do in this house .. BIG sigh !)
    All joking aside ... that is so hard to get through when you feel so bad .. you are amazing girl !!!
    Yes ... I always have to be careful what I might fall asleep to ... so I know what you mean !
    Take care !!!
    Joy : )
    PS ... more COLD weather to come ugh !!

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  39. Gracie, I do so wish that you had gone to the Dr....but I also hope that whatever bug it is that has you in it's clutches is over, or leaving. Take very good care of yourself...you know that the girls are dependent on you. For hats and hay. LOL.

    I wish we were neighbors also....!

    Jen

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The mind grows by what it feeds on. J.G. Holland

Thank you so much for your comments, they mean more to me then I could ever express. Hug B

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