Friday, May 15, 2015

A lost, but now found story.....

Thursday March 4, 2015.

(I found this story hiding in my computer. It had been apparently forgotten and waiting till I needed it). There were two very strong, and  loving women in my life; my Mom and my Nanny, oh yes I was a very lucky girl.


My Happy Cupboard

The joys I have possessed are ever mine;
out of thy reach, behind eternity,
hid in sacred treasures in the past,
but blest remembrance brings them back hourly.
                    John Dryden


I pulled open the cupboard door, the powerful aroma of cinnamon mixed with the sweet smell of molasses rushes out to greet me, bringing a smile that has been hiding as of late, filling my head full of those memories that I seem to need today. This same soothing smell used to live in my grandmother’s house.

 Living in what she would call her “baking cupboard”. I stood there staring at an assortment of glass spice bottles. I ran my fingers over the cover of one of those treasured cookbooks sitting on the top shelf, then noticed on the bottom shelf, the sticky mess of molasses oozing from a “not again” leaking container. I love this cupboard, it has magic. That magic of turning my sometimes uncontrollable hectic world into something very beautiful and calming. With only that simple gesture of opening this door I can travel to a place of comforting memories and unlimited dreams.

After another joyous exciting visit from my adult children, who had filled this quiet little house with constant activity and laughter, I find it so easy to slide. Sliding into a tunnel of a jumbled mix of emotions, knowing everyone has gone back to their own busy lives. Not knowing exactly when there will be another visit, and leaving me once again alone in an empty house. Filled with leftover memories, and thoughts of my own possible incomplete fulfillments in life, mixed with my feelings of complete happiness and pride knowing my girls are happy.

This special cupboard with its many dog-eared cookbooks, ultimately giving the soothing thoughts I need, today. My grandmother’s handwritten recipes always bring joy. These memories and emotions also have me wondering if my grandmother felt the same way as I do, this very moment. When everyone of her family, “flew the coop” as she used to call it, was she lonely? Did she have to create and find a happiness of her very own?  No longer being just “Mom” or “Nanny” and doing things that may, or may not have been what you have always thought you would be doing. Things in life that gave you such joy, surrounded by the ones you love unconditionally, but left you wondering “What if” in the quiet of a now empty house. Hoping that someday you would have time to pursue your own dreams, those ones you put on hold. Wondering that if after the children had started their own pursuing of dreams, if you still have time. Did my grandmother wonder if she would now be able to pursue her dreams? Did she run out of time?

On opening the cinnamon bottle the familiar smell flicks a switch. I am standing in a kitchen in the city. Nanny was standing with her red apron on her favourite colour after all. Her hair had little tiny rollers tied with a colourful bandana.  A laughter pulses through the room, her laughter mixed with mine, oh it feels like a big hug. The aroma of cinnamon oatmeal and raisins coming from the oven is something that has never left my mind since those days long ago.

That wonderful laughing and sharing of those incredible stories, that constant baking and the love that only Grandmas can share with this little girl, a girl, who listened and stored every word. A wonderful storyteller and poet and never tiring of sharing the words, Nanny’s stories were never shared with the world, did she regret that? Savouring every smell that came from an old “baking cupboard” in the middle of the city, now stored in a baking cupboard on a farm in the middle of nowhere. A lonely woman so happy she had a Nanny that even though she may have thought she did not leave a lasting impression with her stories and poems, she did. Thank you Nanny.




Later

21 comments:

  1. love the baking cupboard. the 'not again' leaking molasses was perfect. i could almost smell it.

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  2. Great memories there. I say few the coup....hope you are ok. Lots of hugs...M xxx

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  3. I wonder too about the running out of time thing...this is a lovely post I could almost smell the baking:)

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  4. Scent is one of the very biggest triggers isn't it? Thank you. So very much.

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  5. Well put, Buttons; very evocative. Certain scents are tied to my grandmothers as well, and I sometimes find myself baking just so I can smell the comfort.

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  6. I hope our children have wonderful memories like this!!

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  7. I'm so thankful for memories that comes out of the blue some days. Your childhood memories certainly has something in common with mine.
    I remember my grandmother heating up bacon grease and adding molasses in it and we would dip our bread in it. She called it sizzlette and us kids just loved it.

    Happy long weekend.
    Hugs,
    JB

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  8. I'm glad your grandmother's story gets shared in your own stories. Isn't it magical that a whiff or a glimpse sometimes takes us back and fills our minds and hearts with wonderful memories?

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  9. I missed my kids after they left the house. I have found other things to fill up my time and i still have my kids. I find it very necessary to get out and participate in activities I like. Good to see you back posting.

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  10. What wonderful memories you have of your Nan. Apart from mum and dad (and my half-brother) I had no other relations in Australia. I so missed having grandparents, aunt and uncles and cousins to share my life with. It may be what made me into a somewhat solitary person but I guess we can't have everything we wish for, so instead so I enjoy sharing stories such as yours and wondering at the love that was in them. Thank you for this one.
    P.S. I associate cinnamon, or is it nutmeg, with those delicious bread and butter puddings my mum used to make.

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  11. A great story about your family memories triggered by pantry aromas.

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  12. It's true that certain aromas can and do pull us back in time. My maternal grandparents were very important to me so the aroma of melted butter, pipe smoke, warm greenhouse soil, and Lava soap (among other smells) bring back extremely fond memories. :) I enjoyed this post, Buttons!

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  13. Beautifullly written, Buttons! Sending hugs to you! xo Nellie

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  14. Buttons,

    Totally amazing post, it's funny how the smells of spices/herbs will bring back so many memories.
    Hugs,
    Sandy

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  15. Wonderful memories...thank you for always sharing your stories.

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  16. Beautiful! I loved this story, it brought back memories of my own grandmother who I loved dearly. She was always so sweet and loved to fix a meal for me when I visited. One memory was the time she helped me make apple pies for the freezer. She would make the crusts and I would peel the apples and make the filling. I still miss her. Have a wonderful Sunday!

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  17. Your dear Nanny may never have shared her stories with the world, but she shared them with you. And now you share them with us.

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The mind grows by what it feeds on. J.G. Holland

Thank you so much for your comments, they mean more to me then I could ever express. Hug B

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