Who can decide offhand which is absolutely better,
to live or to understand life?
We must do both alternatively,
and a man can no more limit himself to either than a pair of scissors can cut with a single one of its blades.
Surreptitiously she crept back into the world of blog not knowing what she could or should possibly share.
Sadly, knowing that she has been purposely hiding, hiding under the guise of being too busy, when she actually cowers behind her cloak of emotions, with a smile on her face. Sometimes, things are not always as they appear she has always believed, but that was in the lives of other people, but never her own. It was now time to acknowledge that she has not been as busy as she had led others to believe. She has really been floundering like a fish cast upon a barren beach, away from the water. Floundering close, but feeling that there was just too much distance or effort required to move back to what she needs, what she knows.
On September 6, she will have been blogging for five years. This makes her smile knowing how much of a difference it has made in her life. The friendships and support gained are priceless to her and she would never want to lose that. Knowing that when she first started blogging only a couple of people read what she had shared. She never even told her family about her blog, but then gaining the confidence to let them know turned into a journey by itself. Sharing all her ups and downs, her joys her heartaches, she put it all out there knowing she needed to do this but not really understanding why.
For four of those five years she blogged five days a week, anything and everything formed into little stories with photographs and then shared. Shared with friends, family and complete strangers, unfiltered. She had learned in this process that she was not alone in her thinking and that there were many others feeling exactly the way she did.
Bloggers/writers/photographers and dreamers all helping each other and knowing they were not that different in wanting to document their lives for posterity. A deep desire not to be forgotten may possibly have been the reason they all shared, and needed to hold on to this outlet.
This whole blogging thing has gotten her/me through some unbelievably difficult but also amazingly happy stages in my life, and I am truly grateful for the friendships and support I have gathered, and still cherish along this path. Bloggers, and blog readers are the most sensitive, caring and supportive family you will ever come across.
I have been questioning my place in this new world of blogging. I have always needed to be honest with all of you and I have to admit life has been difficult lately. I have always tried to keep my blog a happy place but struggle emotionally to always do this when I am myself not feeling that way.
I do need to share, that is who I am, and still want to keep this blog going but I am going to be putting less pressure on myself. There will be no set schedule, meaning no pressure on me to “Perform”. Maybe I can come back around to the person and the reason that I started blogging in the first place. I will still be posting when I have a story, you know I could not stop those stories from coming.
My Hero tells me that there is an auction this Saturday and that is just what he thinks I need. Maybe he is right. Thank you my friends. I am not leaving Blogland. That would truly be too difficult for me to leave all of you…my blogger family. I am just trying to rediscover the old me, or at the very least, learn to understand this new me.
See you all soon. HUGS B