Thursday, August 27, 2015

Surreptitiously she crept…

Who can decide offhand which is absolutely better,
to live or to understand life?
We must do both alternatively, 
and a man can no more limit himself to either than a pair of scissors can cut with a single one of its blades.
                                        William James


Surreptitiously she crept back into the world of blog not knowing what she could or should possibly share.

Sadly, knowing that she has been purposely hiding, hiding under the guise of being too busy, when she actually cowers behind her cloak of emotions, with a smile on her face. Sometimes, things are not always as they appear she has always believed, but that was in the lives of other people, but never her own. It was now time to acknowledge that she has not been as busy as she had led others to believe. She has really been floundering like a fish cast upon a barren beach, away from the water. Floundering close, but feeling that there was just too much distance or effort required to move back to what she needs, what she knows.


On September 6, she will have been blogging for five years. This makes her smile knowing how much of a difference it has made in her life. The friendships and support gained are priceless to her and she would never want to lose that. Knowing that when she first started blogging only a couple of people read what she had shared. She never even told her family about her blog, but then gaining the confidence to let them know turned into a journey by itself. Sharing all her ups and downs, her joys her heartaches, she put it all out there knowing she needed to do this but not really understanding why.


For four of those five years she blogged five days a week, anything and everything formed into little stories with photographs and then shared. Shared with friends, family and complete strangers, unfiltered. She had learned in this process that she was not alone in her thinking and that there were many others feeling exactly the way she did. 
Bloggers/writers/photographers and dreamers all helping each other and knowing they were not that different in wanting to document their lives for posterity. A deep desire not to be forgotten may possibly have been the reason they all shared, and needed to hold on to this outlet.

This whole blogging thing has gotten her/me through some unbelievably difficult but also amazingly happy stages in my life, and I am truly grateful for the friendships and support I have gathered, and still cherish along this path. Bloggers, and blog readers are the most sensitive, caring and supportive family you will ever come across.


I have been questioning my place in this new world of blogging. I have always needed to be honest with all of you and I have to admit life has been difficult lately. I have always tried to keep my blog a happy place but struggle emotionally to always do this when I am myself not feeling that way.

I do need to share, that is who I am, and still want to keep this blog going but I am going to be putting less pressure on myself. There will be no set schedule, meaning no pressure on me to “Perform”. Maybe I can come back around to the person and the reason that I started blogging in the first place. I will still be posting when I have a story, you know I could not stop those stories from coming.


My Hero tells me that there is an auction this Saturday and that is just what he thinks I need. Maybe he is right. Thank you my friends. I am not leaving Blogland. That would truly be too difficult for me to leave all of you…my blogger family. I am just trying to rediscover the old me, or at the very least, learn to understand this new me. 

See you all soon. HUGS B


Later

31 comments:

  1. Hello, I like the no pressure type of blogging too. I have recently found your blog thru other blogging friends and I am happy I did. Lovely images, enjoy your day!

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  2. Heartfelt hugs, and oceans of caring.

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  3. i've had to curtail blogging activity a great deal, and will probably have to continue even more cut-backs of time here. i miss it, but life gets in the way sometimes. stay well. soak in some fresh farm air for all of us. we'll feel you sharing any way you can. :)

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  4. "STAND BACK FOLKS, SHES GONE FERAL!"

    and she's not alone ;)

    xoxoxo

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  5. Some days are hard, as an everyday blogger I understand. Write what you can, when you can your blogging friends will understand. I look at it this way "This is my room (my blog) and I can do whatever I want, people won't always agree with me but that is Okay." Not everyday is a happy day on my blog either...such is life:)

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  6. Dear Button, it has been nice following your blog and the nice thing about blogging is that you can set your own pace and choose what you want to share and what you want to leave out and whe....

    I have lots to blog about but never enough time to prepare a post so my posting has been sporatic at best but my friends are truly friends and they understand and have stayed there for me.... Life has it's moment and everything goes in stages. For us women, menopause can really throw us for a spin but it gets better. It take a while for the body to adjust and the mood swings too. It's tough being a woman these days.

    It's been a stressful time for you recently with loosing your beloved mom, with rainy weather during the haying season and there's always some adjustment to be made. We'll be here for you when yo return.
    Big HUGS my friend.
    JB

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    1. it should read...to leave out and when...
      JB

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  7. I started blogging to keep a running photo album with comments of my garden. Then people came. I blog for myself first, people second. Do what you want to do when you want to do it. We all understand. That is why we started following, because you were real. Just keep being real. Blog when you want to blog and say what you want to say. Some of your best stuff was sad from the heart things. You are able to put what we all feel into beautiful words. That is why we follow. It doesn't have to be all sunshine and roses, life sure isn't that. It doesn't have to be once a week. Go back to the beginning. You are an amazing person and I'm glad to have bumped into you through the blogging world. I'm sorry you are in pain, both physical and emotional. I hope time heals your wounds, but don't forget we are here for you.

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  8. Blogging should be a pleasure, not a chore. Speaking from a similar place and, like you, stepping back and only posting when I have something I want to share.

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  9. I understand about cutting back, post when you want to because you want to, not because you have to. I have enjoyed your journey through your writings and photographs. Looking forward to more when you are up to it.

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  10. I will be delighted to see you post, and happy you're taking time for yourself when you don't. *hugs* Take care of you, you wild woman!

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  11. May you soon be posting again, when you feel like it. We all have to take breaks now and then. Blogging has been wonderful for me and friends made are like family. Love, encouragement, prayers, sharing, all in the mix.

    Be well in body, heart, mind and spirit ~ FlowerLady

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  12. I appreciate you honesty, Buttons, and I'm another one who thinks blogging ought not to be a chore. It sounds like you are in a transition from a former you to a newer one, a slightly different Buttons. Transitions are difficult to live through but can be a rewarding if we are patient and allow ourselves to grow. I'm in transition too so know the up-and-down feelings. Hang in there! And I hope you keep on blogging even if you do it at a slower pace.

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  13. Lovely post as always :). That time went quickly, where do the years go!
    Look forward to your next post, whenever that may be...take care, have fun at the auction...Hugs M xoxox

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  14. Oh my sweet friend . . . prayers for you today. Life isn't easy is it? It seems either we've just come through something hard, we're going through something hard, or something hard is just around the corner. But I'm so thankful that Jesus never leaves us or forsakes us. His Grace is sufficient. I appreciate every single post, no matter how often. You just write what you want, when you want, and know that your faithful readers will always be here. Never be afraid to be honest. For that is what we love about you. Blessings to you today!!! For now . . . you just rest!!

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  15. I so understand.

    I try to be chipper, too, and sometimes that is difficult. I have been blogging eight years and many days wonder why I still am.

    Wherever you land, here or there, know you are in my thoughts always.

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  16. My blog never really found a following and I took it personally and quit. Sometimes I think social media like Facebook or Instagram does more harm than good. But you've done things right! We love your stories; shared memories so many of us can relate to. You bring us down to earth. I hope that in some way, we return the favor. XO

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  17. I'm struggling to find something to say as well Grace. I think part of it is the time of year.....how much can we say about hay, cows, feeling ill or depressed or pulling weeds from week to week????? I've deleted more posts than I've published in the past few weeks.

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  18. Sometimes we need to step back and reassess. Take time to find ourselves. Sometimes life knocks the wind out of us and makes it hard to speak. Sending you hugs and encouragement and reassurance that we will still be here no matter how much time you need. Hugs xo Karen

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  19. I will look forward to the new you...or old you or anyone in between. And the bush. I will always look forward to stories from the bush. . Whenever they come.
    Take Care dear Buttons.

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  20. Absolutely B! No pressure whatsoever!

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  21. Living on the fringes of blogland myself these days....not to worry....we'll both be back.

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  22. Hugs, Buttons. I hope you have a wonderful day at the auction. Life has its ups and downs. We all have them. Bloggers are a compassionate bunch. You are safe here.

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  23. Very first thing . . .
    HUGS back to you . . .
    Love your photos . . .
    Listening to your struggle . . .
    Identifying with my own, so I appreciate you being so honest . . .
    Sending my caring . . . times like this it is important to be very tender to yourself . . .
    This I know for sure . . .
    Wishing tenderness for your world!

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  24. I can understand changes to blog posting, Ralph and I have so many things we want to share to help people with growing food and paying attention to how they live, we are blessed with the community we have found here. You are a part of this place. Life does change though and so do we as people. I look forward to your future posts and if there are fewer of them they will be more savored for what they offer!

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  25. A big hug coming your way from one of your many friends. You are never alone.

    Hugs..........L

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  26. I'm still on blog break - the longer I go, the harder it is to write! I'm glad you're not quitting the blog - I'd miss you. Sometimes, we must just get ourselves sorted out. I do thinker it's easier to live (or muddle through) life than to understand it. Truly understanding takes some hard work! I'll be thinking of you Buttons. I read on your former post that a grandchild is on the way. Hugs and best wishes from CO.

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  27. I totally understand. I have been "hiding" for a many months now. I've still been reading everyone's blogs but just not commenting. I tell myself no one will notice.....no one will even miss me. But I am slowly finding out that I miss me and blogging and photography. Take your time ... I totally understand.
    diane @ thoughts & shots

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  28. Gracie, first know that we are here in support and love with and for you, through the happy, the sad, the good, and the bad times. That's what our blogging community does for each other. You've written such a profoundly honest account of your life, it's not easy to be cheerful and upbeat when it's not going well. And no one should have to hide that fact just because they are a blogger.

    Post when the desire to share is there, and when it's not, don't worry. When I encounter posts from other bloggers going through rough times I always tell them the truth.

    That we will be here, and welcome their posts when they feel up to blogging.

    Sending bloggy love, hugs and many good thoughts through the internet to your inbox...

    Jen

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  29. I have not been a regular visitor to your blog till lately...and even then some days I get behind when kids are here, or if we have to go there as we did last Thursday. I hope things work out...and though I usually tell what is going on in my life, I don't always go into the turmoil that goes on sometimes.

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The mind grows by what it feeds on. J.G. Holland

Thank you so much for your comments, they mean more to me then I could ever express. Hug B

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