Self-confidence is of more importance in conversation than ability.
Duc Francoise de La Rochefoucauld
Sitting here on this Sunday afternoon looking out the window into my world, I think of the weekend. How I feel about my life now and what lies ahead.
It is no secret I hit a major bump in the road, as far as life goes. Losing my Mom was more difficult than I could have ever imagined. I kept thinking of what I was going to do now. For eight years after my Dad passed away,(I started blogging three years after that),I tried to do all I could for her and keep her smiling, my way. I have to tell you she was my biggest fan, as far as my stories about the farm and my photographs of the cows. I started to think after she was gone. Was I doing this for me? Was I doing it for her? Was I doing it for the others who read this blog and my knowing it also made them happy? I was confused and needed some time to figure it out.
After this weekend of spending time with My Hero, some people who read my stories, and those cows, which I used to spend a lot of time with but have been avoiding, I may have found the answer.
I realized I cannot always make others happy. I do like writing and photographing the things in my life that make me happy and seem to make others happy as well. But, I had taken on the task of trying to take care of everyone else’s happiness, possibly because I had a hole in my heart and needed to fill it. I realized this is/was a big unrealistic responsibility I had taken on. Thinking I was responsible for making everyone happy.
I have decided to get back to blogging for me. If that makes others happy I am extremely happy for that. I cannot hold myself completely responsible for the happiness of others. I have to do what I love and if that works for others, that must to be the way it is supposed to be. I do love blogging and now that I think back I did get into it for all the right reasons. Writing about who I am and what I do and sharing that.
Now that I have gotten that off my chest, I have to tell you about my weekend. It was a good one.
First; I started knitting again after a long break. This was something my Mom had taught me during her last years. This makes me happy. I finished my first hat. It will be heading off to a very deserving, funny, brave lady who makes me laugh.
Second; My Hero and I went to an auction on an island, oh yes I have to share those photos, and hopefully will get them on here this week. That time spent with him and mingling with others gathering stories, makes me happy.
Third; our cows are enjoying the sweet second cut hay that will not dry, being delivered to them daily as our pasture grass is winding down. They run and gather around fighting for the best bite. Oh yes, that hat I made, well you know I had to try to get Bossy2 to try it on before it went into the mail. She was not very cooperative. I think it had something to do with the timing. You know that whole sweet tasty alfalfa and finding the best bites thing. This is what makes me happy.
I have decided to go back to blogging with my Blogger profile and not Google Plus. I want to get back to a simpler part of blogging and back to that place I started from. It has never been my intention to make money on this blog. It was a place of enjoyment and that is what (at least for now) it will remain. I just need to get back to that simpler way of blogging. I look forward to sharing my world with those of you who remember the beginning, and those of you who just want to know who, and what makes me happy. That would be writing and photographing my world, which the farm is a big part of, but not everything. A world that makes me happy most of the time, and if sharing it makes you happy too, I am glad. I really care if you are all happy, but I cannot make everyone happy no matter how much I really want too.