Saturday, November 28, 2015

Transition

There is no remedy for love but to love more.     -- Henry David Thoreau


The moonlight from a full moon bounces off the roof of the faded rusty pink barn. Its beams of light create shadows on the chicken coop below. There are no harsh loud sounds, only the familiar tick, tick of the clock on the wall. On the next hour, the clock will chime twelve times, a soothing sound that echoes through the farmhouse as I sit, in wait of the morning.


There always seems to be those sleepless nights when the exhaustion from a long days work is not going to work. An exhaustion that will ‘Knock the light out of you’, an old grandma saying, that seems to make sense to me, now. My Hero sleeps soundly after a long days work in the next room. As I sit in my chair by the window with my Mom’s knitted blanket and my Dad’s quilt wrapped around me to keep the chill of the night away, I drift off.

There were never too many reasons that had me want to leave the farm. When I did leave, it was usually a pleasure trip or to spend times with my daughters or other family members living far away. Missing them was usually why I would leave for those short visits. I have always found everything else I needed here on the farm. The land holds my heart. It holds my soul. There was nothing that could keep me away from it for very long. After being away for a while, that familiar ‘pang’ of love would always pull me back.


This ‘pang’ was so physically and mentally painful, that I would have to hop on the nearest form of transportation and get back. Rushing back to soothe the aching. We were one, the land and I, and nothing could ever separate us for very long. The land would always welcome me with open arms and never ask why I was gone so long, always knowing that I would be back. The land knows it has all the power.

 A loud bump outside has me sit up straight and open my eyes. It was only a dream. A dream of things I have not forgotten, and that tug at my heart.


No chimes ring on the hour of twelve. There’s no moonlight shining on the faded pink rusty barn. There’s no shadow cast upon the chicken coop below. There’s no Mom’s blanket or Dad’s quilt wrapped around me, nor blue chair beneath me. No Hero sleeping in the next room.

Only, the glow from the streetlight bounces off the roof and lands on the hardwood floor. Traffic moving and then that banging over a pothole outside echo through the room. The sound of a hungry baby crying and a new Mom trying to soothe her float through the air, bring a smile. I am where I need to be at this time.


I now realize that the pull of the land and that ‘pang’ on my heart and soul is going to have some fierce competition.

‘Pangs’ of love for the land and a life far away are now competing with a little girl who lives in the city. Each one tugging and pulling as hard as they can in a tug of war for this new Gramma’s heart. This transition is going to take some getting used to.

Later.

35 comments:

  1. Enjoy your time.

    You will be home soon.

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  2. Congratulations to all, so happy she is here:) Enjoy your Grandma time:)

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  3. Being thorn between two loves is tough. Your love of the farm land seems to be very strong. Too bad the daughter lives in the big city.
    I hope you'll soon be home again.
    Hugs,
    JB

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  4. Wonderfully written . Congrats to you all .

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  5. Ahh - but two such sweet places to divide your time between! That new baby sure is lucky to have a farm to visit her Grandma at!

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  6. B. How long does it take you to get from the farm to the city? Tip of the iceburg, and you are going to love it.

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  7. You will find your balance in this see-saw of love.

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  8. Congratulations to the new Grandma, and her daughter, her husband and your husband, and of course your family...So happy to read it's happened :)
    You will balance the two...it will come natural to you.
    Hugs M xox

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  9. Beautiful..sad...hopeful, bliss! You have quite a way with words!

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  10. It is so hard and I have been there, especially when we lived in VA (12 hrs away). Now, it's better...only 1 1/2hrs...much more manageable....besides we have a much smaller house for me to clean...:)JP

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  11. Enjoy these wonderful moments with new little one, as you long for your place called 'home sweet home'. You will be back there soon.

    Love & hugs ~ FlowerLady

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  12. Congrats to you and your family. I agree enjoy your Grandma time! Happy Sunday!

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  13. I've been waiting for baby news :-D. Beautifully written post. As always. Enjoy all your times and "homes" :-).

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  14. Enjoy these special moments in time. They run by so quickly. Congrats to your family and you. Home is where your heart is! xo

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  15. Congratulations on the new Granddaughter.
    I know well the draw of the land.

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  16. Congrats on that new baby...bossy 2 has competition.

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  17. In that tug there are no losers. We are all winners when it come to love of the land and love of those babies that carry on our very life.
    Welcome to grandmotherhood! The most incredible journey begins.
    And to the wee one, the world welcomes you!

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  18. A big Congratulations! to you! How wonderful to have so many blessings in your life!

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  19. You know when you read something, and suddenly you choke up, it's so raw, real, and emotional....Gracie you've hit that in this post.

    You are pulling the beauty from both worlds and sharing it beautifully with us.

    Thank you.

    Jen

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  20. You will be where you need to be, when you need to be there. For the other times, there is Skype and Facebook. Hugs.

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  21. Congratulations on becoming a Grandma! You will be multi tasking now. Allow the new little girl to hold your attention. The land will always be there.

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  22. You said it yourself:"juggling everything at once is a skill they need to have." Looks like you have those balls in the air! Enjoy! Linda@Wetcreek Blog

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  23. Grace, lovely post...hard choices. BTW, I believe that second photo needs to be 'lefted'. I work hard and sleep hard, especially after I rub down my knees with Tiger Balm.

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  24. Game on. ;)

    Your short piece in Rural is beautiful sentiment as well. You have no storage of love or stories. xo

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  25. Oh, happy day! I'm glad I didn't miss this big news. Yes, they do have a way of pulling at our heart strings. Congratulations to you and the family. I love this line, "A dream of things I have not forgotten, and that tug at my heart."

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  26. Buttons,

    Congratulations Grandma!!! It's hard being a grand parent for the very first time. Your heart will be pulled in so many different directions.
    Enjoy your time there, and at home your Hero awaits along with all the four legged hat wearing fur bee's.
    Hugs,
    Sandy

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  27. Really nice post! You'll manage the transition beautifully. So great to have such wonderful people and places in your life. Congratulations again on becoming a Grandma. I know you'll totally rock it. Lucky little girl!

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  28. Congrats on becoming a Gramma! Just think of bringing that little one out to the farm and giving her such memories of your home. My own grandmothers did that for me on their farms. Just the reasons I am where I am today.

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  29. two worlds...enjoy them both. :)

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  30. I'm just catching up on your recent posts and enjoyed each one but this one is so exciting as you share the arrival of your new grand baby. Congratulations! I know the feeling of waking in 'that other house' not knowing where I am for a few seconds, having to go upstairs to the bathroom and seeing the streetlight flooding the living room with light (not the moon). I hear a child cry too, trying to figure out which one it is (of 3) and say a prayer for the weary mother consoling it. Sometimes I sit in that glow of the streetlight until I feel sleepy enough to go back to my cozy bed, wishing it was my own, but happy to be there too. Enjoy every sweet moment B. Blessings.

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  31. Just wait until you get to show her all the wonderful things in the outdoors. I won't be long and she will be holding your hand as you walk through the pastures putting hats on cows. Not many Grandmas can do that.

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  32. I love this post :)
    congratulations on your new grandbaby :)

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  33. Consider yourself very lucky. You can share the love of the land with your new grand-daughter while she can introduce you to her life in the city. Both so different yet both so wonderful. You are being missed.

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  34. It sure is a dilemma living a long way from your grandchild/ren. I know! However, don't forget they will not be there forever. They will grow quickly and live their own life and then where will you be? In palace where you would rather not be. Visit as often as you can but don't lose yourself.

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The mind grows by what it feeds on. J.G. Holland

Thank you so much for your comments, they mean more to me then I could ever express. Hug B

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