The joys I have possessed are ever mine;
out of reach, behind eternity,
hid in the scared treasure of the past,
but blest remembrance brings them hourly back.
Toss, turn, toss turn. A night full of dreams that has her worry and fret hangs on. Worries, where there will be no control but her need to control. Rolling over she lies flat on her back. Her eyes flutter. There is so much light. Could she be in the city? It has to be, the street lights of the city are the only explanation for so much light. That city, where the street lights cast light into every window, every night.
There are no sounds. Where are the traffic noises? Is it too early for commuters to venture out? Could everyone be sleeping but her?
Dark shadows trying to escape the light, dance on the walls only to add to the mystery, and those questions. It is difficult for her to get her bearings in this sleep deprived stupor. The curtains were left open. The girl from the country never likes to block out the night sky. She thinks that she recognizes that silence. A familiar sound creeps slowly down the hall. A humming refrigerator clicks on and soothes her. Her eyes open.
Beams of light crawl across the snow covered ground then up the bank that lies deep and high under her bedroom window. It then bounds through that window unstoppable. It runs across the walls of white only to pounce on her face. A girl that wants to sleep after a very busy week then realizes she is really me. This is not another dream. I jump out of bed to take in the beauty of the night.
A full moon hangs over the line of spruce trees. Beautiful tall trees that my younger brother helped plant so many years ago. The moons bright light illuminates that night sky, and stirs those memories of years gone by as I stare out the window. Unlike those uncontrollable dreams which I want to forget, those memories of him I want to hold tight to, try to fade. Bits and pieces once forgotten but now found are thrown unto to a huge pile that I continue to stitch together as carefully as I can. A growing pile of tapestries full of memories and stories, and my need to stitch stitch stitch.
A brother who if he was still here, would more than likely also stand in the snow outside shivering in slippers while taking advantage of this gift with all its finery. While the moon illuminates life in that moment, a speech given free long ago by a wise friend comes to mind. “It is not what is in our future that we should worry about. It is all about what we have today and to know how to take advantage of every simple moment. It does no good to worry about tomorrow.”
It is so beautiful out here. Night T, I will not forget. I know that it has always been about catching those simple moments, no matter when they come. They are the ones that last.