Sunday, April 10, 2016

On being a writer.

Keep out of the ruts; a rut is something which;
If traveled too much, becomes a ditch.
                                      Arthur Guiterman


Today I am writing this while sitting at my kitchen table. I had finally accepted the fact that I was indeed a writer. This revelation came to me after many years of denial. Now, it seems that I am living a very different way of life.

Yesterday, while at an auction sale I sat in the truck writing about the auction sale. It was cold and miserable so I was huddled down in the truck and I wrote two stories. Oh, I am not going to complain about that. I had found myself in a writing slump for a while now, something a writer never likes to experience. I finally was back to writing and was so happy about that.

I had no doubt that those stories were going to be shared someday, with someone. After I had written those stories, I had this nagging feeling. That same nagging feeling came back to me later that evening. While I sat at my kitchen table, transferring those stories from my hand written notes and on to my computer it hit me like a hammer over the head. I was now living in a fictional world. That non-fictional world I have always lived and written about seemed to have morphed into a weird mix of fiction and non-fictional stories. There is no way to deny that now.


I have always written about auctions while I sat in the middle of that particular auction. I would experience the crowd and the feelings of those moments. I had almost missed the joy of jumping into the middle of this auction and mingling with the crowd, something I had always done. I was sitting in the truck writing. I was sitting in the truck writing about experiencing the auction, not actually experiencing the auction. It was to become a piece of fiction. I was writing what I thought I was feeling, not what I actually felt.


The more I thought about this new enlightenment, the more examples popped into my head. Instead of hiking, or snowshoeing into the bush this past winter, something that I have always enjoyed so much, I had been all winter sitting at my kitchen table. I had been writing, about hiking or snowshoeing in the bush. I had inklings of this when my pants showed the effects and hazards of writing and eating, instead of actually getting out there and hiking or snowshoeing. I am sure you all know what I am talking about here.

Instead of experiencing the thrill of the city, on a recent trip there, I was writing about what I thought, not what I did. There was so much going on I was exhausted, so it was so much easier for me to write about it than actually do it. That is such a lame excuse now that I think about it. Not that my stories were untrue, it was just that I was not actually experiencing or feeling them. I was only writing about them. Not once did I have to leave the seat I was sitting comfortably in, to get the story. Sad I think.

I have to tell you that I love being a writer. I also have come to the conclusion that I am not yet ready to be a writer who writes so much about life, to prove to her and to others that she is an actual writer, that she forgets to experience that life. I will continue to write but I do not want to forget why I write in the first place.


I must tell you I did get out of that truck and mingled in that crowd at the auction. I experienced that life I have been missing by writing, without experiencing. I do have those stories and will be sharing them just as I always have, but right now I am out experiencing what I have been missing, while not trying to think about the story. I am back to actually experiencing what I live, not writing what I wish, and then I will write about it.

Later 

29 comments:

  1. I love your eureka moment, now that you accepted your gift of writing you have to use it and develop it to share. You'll be happier when you can share this special gift. You have your own style and that's your trade mark. Go and write your story.
    Hugs,
    JB

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  2. I haven't been on here in a long time, but I have always known you were a writer. Seems maybe before you knew. Love that you have accepted your fate. :)

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  3. Insightful . . . I liked this . . . inspired me!
    I like the writing part of blogging although I find that often my writing isn't being read . . .
    So, since my writing and blogging have caused some surprised clothing tightness
    I am planning on more life experiencing and less reflecting . . .
    Well I guess I can keep on reflecting while I am walking . . .
    Off I go . . .

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  4. I know writers, my grandfather was an author.
    I love your writing here and its a wondrous thing to 'see' through your words, your farm, auctions and the world around you!

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  5. A fine writer and a great photographer as well. I like how you observe and share the details of your life.

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  6. I have been guilty of that too. Too busy with my camera, capturing the 'best' shot. There, but not. So I make a point of putting the camera down and marvelling at the moment. Yes, it means I miss some shots, but they are posted in my memory.

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  7. I can't help but wonder if there were any ladders at that auction?! :)

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  8. So is this the same as the story being inside your head? Yes , I think storytellers have to get right inside the character to see what is going on. But then, what do I know since I'm not a writer!!!

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  9. Interesting way of looking at things. I enjoy your stories even if some of them didn't happen to you they still hold a universal truth.

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  10. Enjoyed reading your post. Beautiful pics...

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  11. This explains why I am not a writer. I avoid mingling and experiencing.
    I don't enjoy new situations, change is hard for me. I like my comfort zone too much.
    I'm a reader and grateful to those, like you, who write so I can read.

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  12. We love to experience what you write about.

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  13. Well,I'm quite new to visiting your blog ... but I always enjoy reading what you write about.
    Thank you.

    All the best Jan

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  14. It's not always easy for many people to write about their 'feelings', it's a special talent that comes within.
    I'm pleased you have found your 'legs' with writing once again :)
    Hugs M xox

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  15. Of course you are a writer! I never had any doubt.

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  16. Well, it's hard to do both - live life and write about living life. At least at the same time... :) However, we are vicariously enjoying YOUR life as you write about it, so it works out well.

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  17. Buttons, this is such an insightful blog. It reminded me of being in the Amazon jungle and a travel writer happened to be on the same trip as us. She had been commissioned by a big magazine to write about her trip and I was kind of jealous because that would be my dream job! But she was so timid and barely tried anything! She showed up for the trip but didn't really experience much at all. While we were trying to learn how to climb trees and shoot blow guns, she was just quietly watching us and taking notes. She was definitely a good writer and her finished product proved it, but I think it could have been so much better if she had been more engaged. Anyway, all of that to say good for you figuring it out. You are an awesome writer and I feel like you inject a lot of emotion and personality into your writing. But I definitely thing it's always good to keep questioning and challenging ourselves. Thank you for such a thought-provoking blog.

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  18. As the info age penetrates our lives, it really is getting harder to be "in the moment" instead of "sharing the moment" through words or now pictures. But I have looked through old journals and been so elated that I did write details of a particular moment or event. Sometimes, I can only remember glimpses of something experienced and it's nice to have a record of what occurred. You are definitely a writer as I don't think most people reading your blog are here only for the pictures (as beautiful as they are). I think there is something raw and authentic in the way you describe your world, our world and I think that as long as you find balance between living in the moment and writing about the moment, they'll always be room for both. xoxo

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  19. I agree we need to live our life and not just write about it... I've been thinking the same thing myself. It's almost easier to write about it then live it but that's just existing.... so good for you to get out there xox

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  20. Maybe Buttons you need a wee recorder with you so you can talk about what you are experiencing and then put it on paper or in your computer when you are home. We sometimes forget just what we experience on any one occasion. Just a thought. Personally I think your writing, whether fact or fiction is always a delight to read so never stop, please. By the way, I love the quote at the top of the page.

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  21. Your writing will have much more meaning to you too. I like the idea of a wee recorder for your ideas when you're out and about!

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  22. I'm THRILLED that you now know you are a writer. One of the best and this I have known for some time now. As Michelle said: Write on Buttons!

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  23. It has been a very long time, Dear Buttons. I am so glad to come back and find you writing and living life!

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  24. Miss B,
    I think there is a balance between writing about real life, writing about past life experiences and fiction. I have a feeling that you are being hard on yourself. I don't think you have to write about every auction sale or snowshoe walk or have walked every step to write about it. Combining thoughts from different sales or walks still makes them real. Different thoughts hit us as a result of what is going on around us...life!

    I admire your openness about how you feel and your writing. I also admire your courage to start a new adventure or try something new. Keep up the good work and enjoy what you do.

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  25. A very good realisation. I do the same. I feel I spend too much time in front of the computer remembering memories istead of getting out there and having new experiences. Well I'll fix it next weekend because we are flying to Sydney and going into the Blue Mountains just west of Sydney with our daughter and SIL.

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  26. Love your writing thoughts on this. Yes, my pants have the same problem! Sometimes the writer inside needs a bit of a break, but always returns.

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The mind grows by what it feeds on. J.G. Holland

Thank you so much for your comments, they mean more to me then I could ever express. Hug B

Please do not copy my work. If you like it let me know I am sure we can work something out. Copyright is in place.