Tuesday, November 14, 2017

The in-between

Not through patience, but through impatience, are peoples liberated.
                                               Ludwig Borne


The tractor motor hummed and then moaned as the tires rolled through the mud in the field. My right hand rested on the controls for the front loader. I had forgotten how well I had become with its operation after so many years of practise. Like a skilled pianist with the piano keys, I controlled that hydraulic loader lever like a pro. To pick up the bales and place them on a wagon takes a certain skill.

The most frustrating part of the morning was when the wagon needed to be hooked up behind the tractor. It took me a few runs but I finally lined it up just perfect, lifted the tongue of the wagon and dropped in the pin.


Two by two, I had lifted the bales off the wet ground. Backed-up, lined up and then pulled back the lever to lift the bucket up high and placed the bales on the racks of the wagon. Over and over again, until the wagon was full and I finished the job. Once again I hooked up the wagon without a problem this time.

The important part has always been to make sure there is a perfect balance and that the load was secure to haul down the road. You do not want an unpredictable load that could shift. In the open empty field, a falling bale would not be such a big deal. On the road, with traffic, it would be a very big deal. That was when my skills were to be tested. I pulled the wagon across the field and headed to the road.


This is a story about the in-between. For almost two years I had thought of what it was that I wanted in life. Sidelined because of injury from something I had always believed would be a job that would never end, I had pondered my future. A farmer was who I knew I was, and I questioned if there was anything else. Surely to goodness that was not going to be it for me.

Farming has given me many skill sets that have spread through every aspect of my life. Much like the operation of the hydraulics that I had not used for a very long time, I had to trust that all I had learned would come back when needed. It was about something bigger than this load of hay and its stability for me.


It had been so easy to convince myself that I was the only one that had to manage everything. That no one could do it as well. To believe that since I was not there to do it, that this would be the end of the line. I believed My Hero would be overwhelmed and so overworked without me and that this could have been the end of this farm life we had built.

I had convinced myself that this was my job and since I had no other, that it was all that I had. Boy oh boy was I ever wrong on almost every part of that thinking. My Hero, (possibly a bit slower after double time work for that period) did just fine. We both figured out a balance during the in-between, which has held true to this day. We are still farmers but now with more life skills. I was never going to be the reason that this farm would fall apart. There has always been a partnership in the work. I do know that we both can handle what needs to be done, if or when the other is to experience an in-between. That was a test.


I learned how to fill my days with a balance of the things that I love and the things which need to be done. It has all worked out just the way it was supposed to.

I pulled that tractor and load of hay out onto the road. It held tight. I am doing what I love. I never did like those tests.


Later

12 comments:

  1. This brought tears to my eyes, Grace! Tears of joy, of course!

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  2. So glad to hear that you have found a balance.

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  3. Life is so beautiful when it is in balance. Not always easy to find, but so worth working towards. And, in addition to your farming, writing, and other life skills, you are also a wonderful photographer. The image of the cow drinking reflected in the water, is just beautiful. Peaceful and beautiful. Life as it should be.

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  4. So nice that you have found that balance. I'm still looking for it, but getting there...I think.

    Cindy

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  5. Finding balance is so important, so I am pleased to hear you have found balance

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  6. I just love your thoughts today, really touching and inspiring!!! You are in your niche and doing very well. You also are with your loving partner in this life of yours, doing your jobs and filling in when the other is down for a time. I am truly blessed by your story. It makes me miss my dear husband all the more and appreciate our 43 years together.

    I loved the photos today of your friendly, gorgeous herd.

    Love & hugs for you and your Hero ~ FlowerLady

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  7. Balance, enjoyment, and support...you have found those things in your life! You are truly blessed!

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  8. Balance is everything in life, great you have found that. Love your cow photos!

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  9. B,

    Balance is what makes us happy and successful in life, you and your Hero found both.

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  10. Well done for passing the test. I hope you can keep going as long as you want. Love the cow photos.

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  11. Marriage is teamwork. That is what love really is: balance, respect, and a cadence that nobody else sees.

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The mind grows by what it feeds on. J.G. Holland

Thank you so much for your comments, they mean more to me then I could ever express. Hug B

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