Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Our Journey! Doubt! 17

“My faith is all a doubtful thing,
  Wove on a doubtful loom 
Until there comes, each showery spring,
   A cherry-tree in bloom.”   

               David Morton

I am remembering back to this time in our lives and wonder how we made it. It was a learning experience for both of us.

  My turkeys are sick, I have never heard of it but they have sinusitis. I am trying to treat them with antibiotics. Things are not going smoothly on the farm. The cows are always breaking out with Mary the cow leading the charge. She will be sold in the fall. I am sorry to say I will not miss her nasty personality. It seems to be one thing after another. Work, work, work.
 My Hero is working down in the hole on the freshly spread gravel of our new basement floor. He is laying another ten-inch block for the wall, atop the foundation forms we worked so very hard to get in. He is standing on scaffolding laying more of the top rows. He is scooping the hand mixed cement up with his trowel and spreading on the blocks. He places the block carefully, ever the perfectionist.
 M is watching her Dad all the while playing with Rocky 2, a hound dog we picked up somewhere. He was a good dog but howled most nights. M loved him, hopefully forgetting about Rocky 1.
 I make my way to the barn to take care of the little pigs. They are doing fine, we are keeping ahead of our bills, in spite of the monstrous feed bill; pork prices were staying high, and we had a steady buyer.
 The basement was coming along and we had enough money saved to buy the lumber for the house. We should be doing the main floor soon.
 Both of our families have been coming around helping with the house, and some of the chores. My Hero decided he would buy an old combine to take advantage of the demand for custom grain harvesting. My brother-in-law went to pick it up. There would be lots of opportunities to make some much-needed money; all we had to do was get through the haying season first.
 The hay was being cut through the day while My Hero was working. The nights, and weekends were spent baling the hay, and getting it into the barn. There were thousands of bales of hay. We had lots of help but My Hero was still baling into the night all while working a fifty-hour workweek in construction. I could not stop worrying about him. He has so much strength, and determination but I could see he was getting tired. Most of our summer was spent working from sun up, to sundown.
 With the haying done we now started to put the floor down on the basement foundation. We are hoping to get the walls, and roof on before the fall. This would make it easier to finish the inside, without dealing with the weather.
 My Hero started custom baling at night, the combine brought with it more problems, it would break down, and I was constantly running for fuel, and parts. My truck broke down once running to bring him fuel. It took away from his valuable time. So many delays, it just seemed like one thing after another. Our house building was put on hold. There were not enough hours in the day. I was trying to keep up with the farm chores and run errands for My Hero. The cows, calves, chickens, turkeys and pigs consuming my time. The garden needs to be harvested; we will need that produce to get us through the winter. All this work was starting to take its toll. I think we were both so exhausted; we were like robots with no feelings, mechanically doing our work, day after day. This is the way I remember it I am sure My Hero remembers it differently; he is more the optimist than I. I just remember being so exhausted all the time.
 With the grain-harvesting over, we concentrated on getting the walls up on the house, it was now October. With so many delays from the weather and the farming I was starting to doubt that we would be in this new house before the winter.
 I could not get past the fear of spending another winter in this house. The now much smaller house, with the cellar wide open, facing what would be the cold northwest winds.
 I doubted if I would be able to do it. I did not want to do it. I remember a feeling of profound sadness.
 My Hero was working so hard, I never seen him, and now it was November. The house was finally closed in but there was no electrical, no heat, and no insulation, there was so much more to do, and the weather was changing fast. I was now facing the facts; we would not be in our dream house before the snow flies. We must be prepared. We are making sure we have enough wood. Everything seems so hard.
 It is now the end of November, we find out some good news; we are going to have another baby. I am so excited, yet so terrified. The thought of having another child in this house was frightening. I don’t think we will ever get out of this old house; it is like it is holding us prisoner.
 I watch M, and My Hero walk to the barn, hand in hand, a light snow is falling, and they are both smiling. I pray I can do this.



  1. Girl..I know exactly what you are talking about!..except for the baby part. We all have worked so hard for what we have...paying as we go!....And now it seems that everyone wants to take it all away. Taxes, insurance and sky-rocketing utilities ...we are hanging on tight knowing we did it our way!

  2. It is good that you share this. Many people do not know the hardships of farming and working for what you have.

  3. Such sheer hard work by the both of you. Your story is nothing short of incredible.
    It must be amazing for your children to read too.

  4. even so many years later, i feel your pain and angst coming through loud and clear. a terror that still lives in your bones...

  5. What a journey.

    "For better or worse, our future will be determined in large part by our dreams and by the struggle to make them real.”_ Author Unknown

    - and you and yours have made them real.:)

  6. am amazing, amazing journey. i am so grateful you are sharing it!!!

  7. I'm very happy you are sharing this journey..However, as today's economy etc unfolds I wish more people could read your journal and realize with a dream and hard determination all will come to a happy ending....I don't see that in today's younger generation..and it makes me sad..
    thanks for sharing..
    Peace & Love

  8. You too are very determined. I'm not so sure I could do it.

  9. I think too, that more people should read this journey and learn from it! Thank you for sharing!

  10. It's amazing how you make this somehow seem like it is happening now...but in the past all at the same time. Your memories are so clear. Did you keep a diary?

    What a saga! I cannot believe you were about to bring another child into the world!

  11. what a story.. but you have faith, determination and you share a love of a wonderful man. with those things you can overcome many challenges. i know we have. have a great weekend!

  12. I am humbled each installment by your sheer determination, in spite of everything, to keep going.

  13. I don't know how you held it together for so long. I can't imagine going through another winter with the house not finished. I can't stop reading and I need to clean the kitchen!


The mind grows by what it feeds on. J.G. Holland

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