Friday, October 12, 2012

Darn You Fibromyalgia!

We must face what we fear;
that is the case of the core of the restoration of health.
                    Max Lerner

The photo above "Scares the life out of me"; I have an irrational or possibly a rational fear of taking medication. I have seen the affects of addictions and never wanted to be exposed to that risk, a phobia that I have had for, I have no idea how long. 

The show Intervention which I have seen twice has made me squirm uncomfortably in my chair dreading being put in the circumstances these poor people have found themselves. I watch those darn commercials about recalled drugs and the lawyers wanting you to sue and get money. I have watched the commercials that list the long scary side effects of drugs on the screen and wondered why anyone takes the risk and wondered if it was truly worth it.

I now find myself against a wall being slammed against it over and over trying to deal with something I have tried to ignore since 2004, yes that is the last time I accepted that I may possibly have Fibromyalgia and if the Rheumatologist  statement was true I was positive I could handle it. I was used to pain because let’s face it farming is very physical and yes there is pain. I was given a drug that worked at that time but it made my head foggy and my thoughts were jumbled. I could no longer write my thoughts; something I have always found comfort in, I stopped taking it after three months even though it kept the pain at bay. I must admit those old phobias crept into my brain and made me nervous and worried.

I have over the last eight years managed the pain by keeping busy, eating healthy for the most part, and I exercise by mainly hiking, walking and even snowshoeing. Always bundling up and keeping warm when I could and there was always Motrin or Tylenol for those bad days. I was basically doing well or so I thought till this past winter, I found myself struggling to climb that wall of pain and get to the other side. I again convinced myself it was temporary because of the cold weather and I could handle it till the spring. I knew the pain was growing more intense and staying longer but I was grinning and baring it the best I could. I am pretty sure I was not fooling anyone especially those close to me because honestly if you are hurting you are hurting the ones around you whether you know it or not. The grumpiness, the moaning and groaning, and the retreating from activities you could no longer do. Denial is not your friend.

This past month with my legs failing me and no longer able to make it to the bush I love to hike in and being totally miserable I decided it was time to take my life back. It was time to climb that wall or tear it down instead of banging my body against it over and over again and suffering.  I started going to a Chiropractor to see if he could help. This helped a little but I decided to see my Doctor about the constant burning of my arms and legs. This is when I was told that it was indeed the Fibro and then I knew no matter how much I pretended I was OK, I was not. I was defeated by a disease I had not really accepted I had. It is time to get real and deal with this monster head on.

Last night I took my first “Miracle” pill for Fibromyalgia; this was a very hard decision for me and one I thought long and hard about before undertaking. The list of side effects scare the life out of me and I secretly worry about being on a show like Intervention someday when I read the “May be addictive” words. I now understand why someone would expose themselves to the risk. A person can only take so much pain. It changes you into someone you may not recognize.

I debated writing this post but I know there are very smart people out there who have been here and have experiences that I do not in dealing with this Fibromyalgia. I would love to hear from anyone who confronted this monster and learned how to control it instead of letting it have all the power.

I look forward to getting to the other side of that wall and seeing the light with no pain.  I must admit I am a little frightened yet so hopeful this will work. I do hope this is the right decision, wish me luck. I am going to apologize now just in case this does affect my thinking and writing, one of the side effects listed on that flyer is "May have difficulty concentrating" but I know for a fact, so does the pain. I truly need to continue writing for my sanity.

OK Fibro no more of you controlling me, I am taking you down, even if it is only one brick at a time.

(I will not be naming nor endorsing this product as I know nothing about how it will work for me.)

If you would like to know how this drug worked for me read here. Darn you...



  1. Medication scares the beejeepers out of me too. Sometimes we need it though.

    I have a friend who lives in another state that has Fibromyalgia.

    Email me terrylee5151 at aol dot com. I have something to tell you that she found out .... not sure if you will like it or believe it.

    New follower by the way. Don't know why I wasn't folloing earlier.

  2. As someone who has been dealing with fibro for years, and who has to take pain meds to control it: I'm sorry you've reached that point, I know how awful it is.

    You will adjust to the meds within a couple of weeks; if not then discuss other options with your doctor. If you need/want to discuss it privately please email me at the add listed on my blog. Truly, it helps tremendously to talk with someone else who deals with it.

    All the best to you Buttons. *hugs*

  3. Bless your heart, my dear, brave friend. How I wish you did not have to deal with this terrible disease. I am sending you prayers. I hope these meds work for you. I do no worry about you becoming addicted. You are too aware for that.

  4. I have had Fibro for 10 yrs. Tried almost EVERYTHING, had the side effects, wasted money, and went back to Cymbalta. It is the only drug helping me right now. I had a great summer this year because of the extreme heat. Hardly any pain. Now, yesterday, the temp has gone way down and rain came in and it was like a switch turned on. I am in so much pain it's like finding out for the first time I have Fibro. I had gone way down on my meds due to the fact the summer was so great. Now I am taking more! I am also taking Tramadol and Lyrica. That combo seems to help. But it never completely goes away.
    I also go for a deep tissue massage once a month and it helps me loosen up and rid myself of toxins. All I can say is hang in there. I have had to quit work due to this disease. It's something I have accepted and I am dealing with it. I have good days and bad ones. Thats Fibro!
    Your'e not alone! 8^)

  5. What a tough decision to make. I too don't like taking pain meds but it sounds like you are in a place where they are worth taking so you can enjoy your life more! I hope that you truly start to feel better soon!

  6. I'm sorry Buttons...wish I could "fix" it for you! :( I hope this medication is effective, with few, if any yucky side effects! ((HUGS))


  7. B,
    I have a good friend with fibro who has a horse farm where she trains and boards. Her symptoms are quite like yours and what keeps her going is going. Busy busy. But when she stops, it's hard for her to get back to work again. She does take meds for pain, and has continued to run her business. Try these meds for awhile and then make your decision. You need a break.

  8. Dear Buttons,
    I can not feel for you, as I have never suffered from fibro. And I don't know exactly what you meant when you said you managed your pain, in part, by eating healthily. Nevertheless, I am going to go out on a limb and suggest, if you haven't tried it, vitamin D3. In what seems like large amounts: 7000 units or so. I would also suggest consulting with a nutritional therapist. Sometimes conventional medicine is just the right thing, and maybe it is for you. But sometimes it masks symptoms and does nothing to address the cause.

    I love reading your stories, and thank you for being real and sharing this one. I pray you find the strength to go through each day, whether it is good or bad, and the healing you seek. I believe you will!


  9. I hope the drugs work for you. There is nothing worse than constant pain.

  10. Oh my, you are really fighting this Fibromyalgia from within.
    Hopefully the side effects of the drug may not effect you greatly. It will be good to be fairly free from pain rather than have it all the time and end up not being able to do anything much at all.
    It's weighing up what is best.
    Good luck my dear M xoxox

  11. I hope it works for you. I am the same with drugs, I hate to take them, but if I do I don't read what the side effects might be.
    I am sending you happy positive thoughts.

  12. You are strong and this will not defeat you. I get the hesitation about the drugs but one day at a time and everyone that loves you in your corner will help.
    Remember I am only a phone call away and if need be you are more important then a part time job, it will be there when I get back.

    Love You, BA

  13. i do hope the meds will help without too many side effects. i have two other blogger pals that battle against fibro. not sure if you know them - jacqueline at cheapskate blethering and misha at from my front porch in the mountains. if you ever want to contact either of them, i'd be happy to give you their links/emails.

  14. Gosh, I'm really sorry to hear you are battling this painful thing. My aunt and a friend have fibro; my aunt has it bad and takes meds that make her sleep for days at a time, and my friend is able to control hers with minimal drugs. Maybe the side effects won't be too bad in your case. Hope you get some relief and see more helpful effects than negative ones with the prescription. My heart does go out to you.

  15. ooohhh b, such a difficult decision!! always remember that they list ALL side effects that were recorded during clinical trials. you may get one or two but maybe none. some side effects appear as you begin taking a medication, after a few weeks, it will disappear. you body has natural adjusting mechanisums.

    sometimes in life, we need help. help from our friends, our kids, our hero....maybe help from medication. it is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign that we are strong enough to realize when we need help....

    perhaps strength does not reside in having never been broken, but in the courage required to grow strong in the broken places!!

  16. I hear you ! Mine is different though. I thought I had fibro till they realized it was in my muscles and I was lacking B 12 I was B12 anemic . I have to take a B12 supplement every day as my body doesn't absorb it very well from the food I eat and lack of B12 can affect your muscles as this caused them to starve from making new red blood cells , because of this I was diagnosed with Muscular Rheumatoid Arthritis which is similar to fibro but in the muscles them selves and with inflammation, all this has contributed to my ungodly pain . In the cold and or damp I chronically ache from head to toe and I suffer from being cold even though it isnt and it is painful , I have a hard time moving around , my legs are the worst. I have been taking meds for it that also have a nexsium in them as I also have IBS and the meds wont upset my IBS . It is a daily battle to get out of bed some days for me but I find once I get going I can deal with it and a good walk mostly helps keep the blood flowing through my muscles . I have had this for years and didn't know it ! I do hope you find some way of relief as I can relate to your suffering . Not many rheumatologists know about Muscular Rheumatoid Arthritis . It is with in the muscles with inflammation not the bones ! Hope you find relieve ! Take care .

  17. Buttons, I'm so sorry to hear that you have to go through this. I can relate to your fear of medication-I hated that Amy had to go on antibiotics for her pneumonia. But sometimes, it's necessary.

    I like what you said about needing to write down your thoughts. I think that by doing that, and sharing them here, you've got a whole bunch of out here who care and will help keep you on track. Hugs:)

  18. Kudos to you for fully researching and exhausting all your options before taking the medication. Unfortunately sounds like you need it at this point. My sister has battled Fibro for years now and I have seen how hard it can be. Stay strong! :)

  19. I am so sorry you are in pain! Studying everything you can about your disease is the most positive step you can take. I hope this drug helps. It might help to find an online forum or a group of people who have fibro...I know my DH has been helped a lot by folks with tips on diet, exercise, meds, etc.. on the diabetes forum.

  20. I am so sorry that you are battling fibro pain. I take so many different meds that I think sometimes that I would like to throw them all in the garbage and then I realize that I can't live without them.

    I hope your new med helps and the side effects are manageable.

  21. good luck sweetie :) my body rejects the drugs when I read the side effects, so I don't read them anymore. you're so brave. couldn't imagine what you have endured before accepting your disease! when I started taking my medication I was numb but then the body adjusted and now I'm just sleepy. the way I found to start taking medication was to think it as Angels light. in my case if I don't take them I can loose my mind so I don't question it anymore, I've been that road and it's like facing the devil. I hope you get better and live pain free. xxo

  22. I can tell this has been a difficult decision for you. Like you, I am reluctant to take medications but I think in your case the time has come for you to give medications a try. All the best!!

  23. Friend - i know you know this - you still are in control - you are the one who decides what and when and where and how to take your meds...unless Mr. Hero has devised a way to medicate you without you knowing...("DONT EAT THE CHEESECAKE BUTTONS ITS...its..ITS MEDICATED!!!!")

    I may not know anything useful about fibro, but I do know about having to take addictive medications - anxiety about being out of it or abusing pain meds is a reality, but you have a good support system of Mr. Hero & your daughters, they will let you know if that would ever happen - they love you! and whoever else you let into your support system - support systems are so important to have ;)

    I am so glad that there are people in bloggerland who can help you out with the fibro questions, and give you the feedback you need in order to make healthy decisions for yourself - :)we want you around for a long time!!!

  24. From what I hear...and take that with a grain of salt...fibromialga comes and goes. I hope yours goes and goes quickly. In the meantime I know you will find and do what is best for you. Take care!

  25. I too hate medications BUT I also live with numerous chronic illnesses (one being Fibro) which all require medication to either keep me alive or to deal with extreme pain. I find many of the medications I am on to deal with pain (from Fibro, Ankylosing Spondylitis or Neuropathic Pain) tend to cause concentration difficulty but I have also discovered on my journey that the pain associated with these illnesses is even more debilitating than the problems from the medication.
    I also find that distractions are helpful (photography & blogging) in taking my mind off the pain that medication can't control. It's been a hard road and I have gradually lost more of my independence and ability to do the things I love (I'm only 47).
    Keep doing the things you can and keep writing what you can. I'm thinking of you :)

  26. I have been on antidepressants for years - maybe 20. They let me function, rather than off myself. I also know that I can become physically addicted to codeine in 6 days. I have done withdrawl twice. It is all a balancing act, and you have to decide where on the teeter-totter of medication that you want to live. I doubt you will become addicted, because you are so cautious. I also doubt you will go back off the meds, if you have had the fibro for 8 or 10 years. You do what you can...
    Hang in!!!

  27. I have to say that medicine scares me to death as well but I believe in them. My son is taking five prescriptions a day and if he doesn't he can't handle life. I think you need to take what makes your life productive in your mind.

  28. Stopping by to say hello and wishing you a pain free weekend.

  29. Like you, I have been afraid of the same... but you know, sometimes you just have to. especially if the pain has gotten to a point that it is probably damaging your body. You will be ok, Buttons.

  30. like you, i have never liked to take med's...not even a tylenol...but sometimes circumstances are such that we just have to do what we have to do!

    you don't want to live with pain...which will cause other problems...ongoing pain & stress is not a good thing either.

    i think talking with others who have been diagnosed with Fibro...and learn what worked for a good start.
    some of the more 'natural' ways to go...DO work for many people!!

    hugs and healing thoughts coming your way! =)

  31. God bless you and wish you a pain free Sunday, and able to go hiking.

  32. are not reaching this decision lightly...try the med and see. I just can't imagine living with that kind of pain every sorry you have to. xoxo

  33. Oh Buttons, I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. I don't know much about fibro but I hope your tablets work out for you and make you feel better :))
    Take care of yourself.

  34. Dear Buttons, I'm so sorry to hear you have to deal with this. I feel the same way about medicines. I have decided to brave some of the medicines that are necessary for my health and so far I haven't had any problems. The meds I'm on are not addictive though and that would be yet another scary component. I hope that among the many comments above there were some that will prove helpful, if nothing else to help you overcome your fears.
    Finally, thank you so much for you sweet comments about Samson during this past horrible week. They meant a lot to us, Samson and me.

  35. Dear B, you've received a wealth of information and wonderful comments from others who know what you're dealing with. I don't, however, reading what you say about the possible effects of medication against the known effects of that horrific Fibromyalgia... Fibro is clearly winning.
    Use what you can to climb that wall B. If one type of meds isn't suitable, try another. New meds are always being developed too.
    Find a reliable health website and research, research, research as well as talk to your Doctor. Sharing your fear of addiction with your Doctor will allow him/her to work with you on that aspect. (If not, then find another Doctor).

    My very best and warmest good wishes of your journey of to gain relief and get back your life xx

  36. Dear friuend...I know what you mean about worrying about taking meds that might become habit forming or will have adverse side effects. But, you were right to finally decide to take what your Dr. is recommending to you! I pray this will be the help that you need! Keeping you in my prayers.

  37. I am so sorry that you're having to deal with this... I struggle with the side effects of asthma meds.. weighing the good against the bad..

  38. I am so sorry to hear about your pain. That had to be a hard decision to make. But now that you have made it I hope it kicks the pain in the backside if you know what I mean.


  39. Pain is an awful thing; it saps all the joy, color, and energy out of life. There is no dishonor in taking pain medication if you need it. Your body and your brain need a break from the pain.

  40. My heart breaks for you and I hate meds as well although I do love my aspirin! Farming is painful, my body bears the bruises, etc. to show for my hard work but there's no place I'd rather live than on my farm. As to fibro, I can only pray for you and say pain management will allow you to live a rich and full life. I learned about pain management when Dave was alive and dealing with cancer, treatments, etc. I fought for him, for pain management and know how pain can rob one of basic life enjoyment. Pain management gives one control and control increases purpose and gives hope.


The mind grows by what it feeds on. J.G. Holland

Thank you so much for your comments, they mean more to me then I could ever express. Hug B

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