Thursday, June 30, 2016

A pain in my .....Need some time

Like some low and mournful spell, we whisper that sad word “farewell.”
                                        Park Benjamin

I must apologize for the title, but for more than one reason you will understand it in the end.

Some of you may have noticed that I have not been around my blog very much lately. My excuse of being too busy on the farm may have been part of this, but not the whole truth. I was not going to explain to you, my readers about what was going on, but a wise woman who sits here with me this morning thought I owed my readers an explanation. She is right, and I have always been honest with all of you. Here we go.

I watched My Hero deal with the harvesting of the hay with help from our wonderful neighbour J, while I paced back and forth. There is still half of it to be done, and it will get done. Two weeks before that we had to round up some cattle, and I had only paced back and forth, and watched from a distance as My Hero and others who understood came to the rescue. Thank you, Dios. This is not me, I am a farmer and I have always been out there getting my hands dirty. I have always stood right beside My Hero, every step of the way while we worked together. The dream of living and working this farm came long ago when we first bought this place at an auction. It seems now times have changed for this farm girl. I am not sure where I am heading.

It has been a rough few days, after a couple of very difficult weeks.  After yesterday’s series of events I have come to the conclusion that things cannot continue to be the way they are, as far as my being a farmer goes. I often wondered if there was a time limit on a career like this. Farming is a very physically demanding job, and I often wondered, if all the demands I had put on my body over the years would catch up with me.

Most farmers that I know do not retire. Most times, they do slow down as they age and try to find other ways to get things done. Maybe, there is a way around the situation I find myself in now, but I am not thinking that far ahead at this time and that is for sure.

Yesterday I spent six hours in a hospital emergency ward in intense pain, more pain than I had ever experienced before. Trust me, if you are, or know a farmer, there are many of those painful nights and days after jobs that have to be done. I have been run over by cattle and trampled by pigs and have actually fallen out of a truck. Not to mention those labour pains of my having two children but this pain topped all of them.

I found myself after a couple of tries with an IV jammed in my writing arm, filled with a powerful anti-inflammatory and then two bags of morphine. This was a new experience for me I do not take medication and realized how lucky I have been. My sister Tess stayed with me the whole time as I writhed in pain. After the happy meds had eased the pain, they sent me home and she passed that watch on to My Hero. I have no idea how I will ever thank her.

Well, it seems that my back is a mess. Neglect, hard work and I hate to admit this, age have taken its toll. I seemed to have hit my limit on how much it will take, as far as farm work is concerned. Sure, I am feeling guilty and useless right now, but I know I need to take care of me, and not worry about anything else right now. Yesterday was just a warning, and I have to listen.

So, you are probably still wondering about the title and why I have not been writing too much. I cannot sit, hence all the pacing. I have a pain in my …., that is not going anywhere for a while. I need some time. Sure the morphine will help for a while, but I am not going to take any more than I need. This means, that if you do not see me on here there is a reason. It is very difficult for me to stand up and blog. Hopefully, this will only be temporary, and until we work out a plan.

I do hope you understand. I will miss you all, and I do hope to get back to reading your blogs while standing, but at this time I think this post is all I can do for now.
Thank you and I will be back I promise. Hugs B

I want to thank all the incredible staff at our local hospital for their patience and kindness. You made the situation more bearable. Thank you all so much. You rock.


  1. Oh no, Buttons! I totally understand, and that pain is the most horrible of all, I know. Take care of yourself!!

  2. I'm sorry to hear this Buttons. Please take care of yourself. Only write when you feel like it and can.

  3. Heartfelt hugs and oceans of caring. Look after yourself. Please.

  4. i'm so sorry to hear this but you're doing exactly what's needed right now by resting. hope all works itself out. you'll find a way around your farming needs, i'm sure. take care.

  5. Call or get referred to the Kingston Kope Clinic for pain management. I'm sorry you are in so much pain.

  6. i am sorry. i hope it will pass. bless you.

  7. I hope you recover quickly. Look after yourself and get better. Farmers never give up!

  8. Hang in there. It'll get better. Take care of yourself.

  9. B,

    Oh Sweet Friend, I so wish I could take the pain away for you.
    I'm keeping you close to my heart, and sending prayers in hopes the pain subsides.

  10. I'm so sorry to read this, I know how much you love the farming and the cows and they love you too.
    I'm guessing your pain is in your tailbone so you can't sit, and I'm wincing here and mentally "ouching" for you.
    I've had back pain, so can sympathise, but mine is usually muscular and fixed with rest and painkillers.
    I've had morphine once, I love that stuff! Easy to see why people get addicted.
    I hope your pain eases quickly and you are able to get moving freely again.

  11. I fully understand! Been there and done that. A year lost due to major back injury due to my horse giving me s msjor back compression drove me off my Acreage. Other things contributed too. Hang in there, we are pulling for you!

  12. Dear, dear Buttons ~ My heart aches for you, for the loss of your being able to do what you love, helping your Hero with farming and also for the pain in your *** so that you can't sit.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Love & hugs ~ FlowerLady

  13. I'm so very sorry to read this ...
    I do hope that with rest, over time things will heal and be less painfull.

    My thoughts are with you

    All the best Jan

  14. I am so sorry that you are experiencing so much pain B and will pray that it will ease with rest and meds. Take care of yourself.
    Blessings, Pam

  15. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

    Take all the time you need but take special care of that writing arm.

    It will all work out the way it's supposed to work out. As much as we want to be, we are not in charge.


  16. Sad and sorry for you Buttons . . .
    I hope this eases . . . and things turn around . . .
    I agree that hard work for years has taken its toll.
    The "screaming pain" is not fun at all!
    Put yourself first . . . and rest . . .

  17. You must take all the time you need. I know that writing has been just as important to you as has farming, so make sure you are able to do at least one of those things you love (I vote for writing... :))

  18. Dear Buttons, as a farmer's wife I can understand the pain to some extent as I live with pain everyday. I once experienced pain so severe, I needed to call for help to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. Wishing you a guilt free recovery. Hugs,

  19. I'm sorry about the "hitch in your getalong" and hope it gets right along out of your life. Take care of yourself. I'll be glad to "visit" your neck of the woods when you're ready!

  20. Pain is the worst. Once we've experienced an excruciating pain, we worry about causing the situation ever again. Do what you must to keep it at bay. One of my best friends recently had to undergo spinal cortisone shots at the hospital to relieve her inflammation. Happily, her pain has diminished. I hope you can find a way to ease your discomfort, too. Feel better soon!

  21. Oh, Buttons! I am so very sorry to hear of this tremendous pain you have endured! Sending hugs to you, along with healing and caring thoughts! xo Nellie

  22. OK B...Farmies are tough and you are going to get through this if you can be patient! The blog is the last thing you should worry about. Please take care of yourself. I would be very frustrated too, if I could not be with my animals and doing the usual chores. How about pacing in the shallow end of someones swimming pool?

  23. As someone who lives with chronic pain, I totally understand. You MUST take time out for yourself B. Hope things get easier for you, take care, and know that you will be missed.

  24. I know it's hard, but take care of yourself, Miss B. If your body is telling you something, you need to listen. Remember your Hero loves you for being Buttons and if you can't do what you used to do He still loves you. You will work through this together. I'm glad that you have the support of family and friends that you need. I understand how hard it is to sit when farm/ranch wives are so tuned into being on the move ... all the time.
    Hugs and Prayers

  25. I am so sorry to hear you've been injured.... I know that must be horrible and stressful. Hopefully you find another passion that won't cause you more pain. Get as much rest as you need xox ♡♡

  26. Hang tough my little friend. You may need to make adjustments in your lifestyle but hopefully changes will help with the pain. Hugs..........

  27. God Bless and get well..yes we will miss you but your health is very important!

  28. Oh no! I hope things improve for your back and that this was just your body's way of telling you that you need to take it easy for a while. I can only imagine how hard it must be for someone like you to sit back and let other people take over for a while though xx

  29. Oh my sorry to read your post of how you are.
    Hope you soon feel a bit better...Hugs M xoxox

  30. That is just horrible and frustrating! I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope you see marked improvement and soon!

  31. I had to back pedal and find the post that I missed explaining your problem. So sorry to read this. It is not good news for a farmer. Hopefully you will soon be out of pain and then be able to sort out your future. Good luck with everything.

  32. I am so sorry you are going through this. It has to be so hard for you. We know you work hard on the farm because we've read your stories. Building a House is taking its toll on us too. My Shug is on sick leave with a hernia surgery. And it's tough getting older. My Dad says it ain't for sissies! Girl hang in there. Maybe with time and healing and resting it will get better. Thinking of you.

    Cindy Bee


The mind grows by what it feeds on. J.G. Holland

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